Notes from the Nordstroms

Poor Neglected Blog... just a quick note.

2011-06-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

I'm still battling the internet/computer issue but my mom left her laptop here with internet access so I decided to take advantage of the opportunity. Praise the Lord we are at the end of this pregnancy and so close to holding our sweet baby boy, Jack. I can't imagine life with another child, we are so full and busy as it is. On the other hand I can't wait to see what this new person adds to the family dynamic and I am so anxious to meet him. Each person is like a new seasoning or flavor added to the bunch and we are really starting to get tasty! LOL!! I'm again looking forward to laboring at home and meeting him in the comfort of my own room in a birthing tub. God knows the exact timing and circumstances but that is the plan. All the kids want to witness their brother's arrival and meet him first thing. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds: when labor starts, how long it lasts, who is there for my support, etc. I can hardly stand waiting and waiting for all these plans to happen as ultimately orchestrated by my Heavenly Father. Soon, Lord, we're so ready!!

A note to Jack:
My dear son, 6th child of my heart,
I am so thrilled you will be joining our family soon. You have pushed me past 40 weeks already but we pray for your arrival every day. It's been 10 years since I welcomed a boy into our family and it feels new again. I can't wait to cuddle you and kiss your sweet cheeks and presumably bald head, and to smell your new smell, and hear your tiny voice. I can't wait to see your first blinking moments as everything around you is brand new. I'm looking forward to breast feeding and diapering and caring for all your needs. I love how your brother and sisters love you so much already and am thrilled to see you interact with them. I have been blessed with lots of "tools" for carrying you with me to all our adventures, life will not be slow for you! It's hard to wait on God's perfect timing for your arrival but I believe this waiting time is more about my trusting Him and being comfortable not getting my way than about any of your development. So, come sweet boy. I love you so much already!! Love, your Mommy

The Ultrasound & a Birthday Party With Baby's Gender Reveal

2011-01-16T21:59:00.001-08:00

Saturday we went for the long awaited ultrasound, a little peek into what God has been quietly doing inside me for 20 weeks. Andrew took the day off and the doctor was willing to come in on the weekend in order to make it work for both of us. I chose a naturopathic doctor, who does the ultrasound right in their natural childbirth clinic and can diagnose immediately. A natural childbirth clinic is a great choice for people who are not quite ready to embrace the wonderful comfort and empowerment of a full blown homebirth, but want to take a step towards trusting their bodies and the birth process. (ok, ok, no more plugs for homebirth, onto the story) The ultrasound went picture perfect, a true blessing. The doctor spoke to me as we went along and told me what he was looking for and why, and then, praise the Lord, that everything looked great. He was kind and even talked to the baby as if they were face to face. I had him write the gender on a piece of paper which I planned to reveal at Eliza's 2 year old birthday party the next day. He folded it up and put a paper clip on it. I was on such a high, considering the health of the baby, that it didn't even phase me to be holding the answer to the gender question in an unsecured piece of paper.
Saturday was a full schedule with running up to Portland, juggling the babysitter back home, running back for lunch, off to a basketball game, a quick swim, then off to Church and a very late dinner. Phew!! I didn't want to lose my ultrasound pictures and, of course, the precious gender paper, so I put them on the bar in plain sight, since we'd be gone all day, then I ran off to return the sitter home while Andrew fed the kids and got them ready for the next part of the day. When I returned, not thirty minutes later, I immediately saw the storm surrounding Josiah.

"What is wrong with you?"

"I hate when the girls ruin things for me!"

"What happened?"

"Mia opened up the ultrasound paper and told us what we're having."

Noooooooooo!!! My perfectly crafted plan! The party tomorrow! How will the girls, who couldn't keep a secret in our family, not tell the world before our party? You know, I have very persuasive friends who can read me like a book and I will see them at Church! How can I keep a secret? No, no no!!! This was not the plan people!

Later that night when I generically mentioned this situation to a man at our church who has four children he said, "Yep! That's life with a big family, it never goes as planned." He's right you know, and actually I'm the better for it because life doesn't really go as planned anyway, but we can't help but think it does, at least until we've been a hit a few times. With several kiddos you're just reminded of this fact daily, hourly sometimes!

So I said to my obviously disappointed son, "I'm guessing we're getting a girl based on the frown on your face."

"No, I just didn't want to find out that way."

No? Then it must be a... "Aaaaaaggghhh!!! It's a boy!!!" I shrieked with sudden understanding and delight. That was how I found out that our newest bundle of joy would be a little man. It's been nearly 10 years and my initial emotional response holds true even now, "Do I remember how to raise a baby boy?" Andrew assures me that the only difference is you've got to blow in the diaper first, then wait a few seconds before the change. Got it.

Josiah's comment was fitting, "I still can't believe it's a boy. I thought you forgot how to make them." Oh, God is good, His timing is perfect, but I was beginning to have that same thought myself!

So, I lied my way through basketball and then, *gulp* church. Nice. I tried to be tricky with my answers so as to avoid an actual lie while still not admitting that I did know the gender, but I'm pretty sure I lied to at least a few. Sorry about that folks, it must be the pregnancy hormones that made me do it. :)

Since we were celebrating Eliza's birthday, my big reveal plan was to have her choose between a blue ribboned stuffed animal and a pink ribboned stuffed animal, as I did with Sierra when I was pregnant with Eliza. I'd open the note, whisper in her ear which animal to go get, and it'd be this fun reveal that she would be in charge of. This was a less attractive option now because I'm just not a good faker, and I would have to pretend to read the note or admit up front that we already knew, yada yada yada. (As I'm typing now, I'm thinking really it wasn't that big of a deal and I should have just gone with it, but pregnant brains don't always function normally and, again, I think I'll claim the hormones made me abandon ship.) So, I decided to make Eliza's birthday cake white and add blue food coloring, then we'd cut into it for the big reveal. No blue food coloring left. DOH! I found some blue m-n-m's and figured some of their shells would rub off enough to leave a blue tinge but it didn't spread through the cake and wasn't really enough to show much so I went with plan... what are we on now... C. I put a blue candle and a pink candle on the cake, perfect since Eliza is 2. I told everyone the candle that I lit first was the gender of the baby. So we enthusiastically sang "Happy Birthday" to Eliza and, as she began to get overwhelmed and shy, I lit the blue candle which erupted a large cheer of celebration and sent her into full blown crying and the inability to actually blow the candles out. Thankfully she has older siblings that know the drill and they jumped in to help her. Phew!!
I confessed to everyone the events of Saturday and we all had a good chuckle over it. There were a few there that were in on the news ahead of time as well. Let's just say that a couple of us in this family have our weak spots and that next time (hey, I'm not ruling it out) I'll make sure to put the note in a sealed envelope and I think I'll keep it in my bra!!

***Happy birthday Eliza! I love you like crazy!! I'm so glad we were finally healthy and able to celebrate your day. Just think, next year this time your little brother will probably be crawling all over.***

Follow Through... Kind of

2011-01-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

For years I've wanted to eliminate television from my life. In my heart, I'd prefer to live life rather than to just watch... stuff. But that stuff is just so interesting. It's bad enough with great drama, humor that makes me forget the stress of the day and thrilling mysteries, then you've got "reality" tv. Ugh, I would never realize the dream. But last year, around May, I just hit my limit. We had narrowed down to just a few shows but I was a slave to them. Survivor ruled Thursday nights. LOST was a must see. I began to get sucked into The Good Wife. There were others, CSI (which really, I didn't even like), Dateline, Bones, and more. Each one kept me up later than I wanted to be, making me tired and mildly dysfunctional the next day. I would be disappointed that the time Andrew and I had together was spent engrossed in entertainment rather than something more enriching. And, I was frustrated by all the extra messages that were being sent to my mind and heart through the shows themselves and commercials. As the kids were getting older, I didn't want them to see much of what was on after 8pm and, since they were still up, I was aware of a need for a choice. So, as the shows ended their seasons one by one I just stopped turning the TV back on. Eventually, there was no evening TV and only occasionally some PBS shows for the kids.

I noticed some things happening right away. Oddly I would go to bed when I was tired, not when the show ended. Who knew!! I finished a few books that were sitting on my shelf for too long. And, I replaced TV with... dum da da dum... internet time, specifically Faceb**k. What? Isn't this supposed to be some glorious post about how I'm out there living life with no TV? Sorry to fail you, I'm human you know. I love the connection that Faceb**k allows me to have without having to worry that it's too late at night to call or that I may have to cut you off just in the best part of our conversation because someone or something needs me. It's a quick peek into other people's lives when I need a break from my own and it's an outlet for my witty thoughts and comments which might be lost on my younger crowd. (ok I might be stretching a bit on that last one.) But really there is an addiction factor to it, too.

Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things, and
desperately wicked: who can know it?

Oh, I'm not saying Faceb**k, the internet or even television are "wicked" necessarily. I absolutely do not want to argue the value, or lack there of, of any of it. This is simply about a calling, if you will, for me to minimize these outside sources of input in order to hear God more clearly. My point is the natural drift that occurs in my life because of a heart that is untrustworthy... wicked. The temptation to fill the time I've opened up with more and more... stuff. (I'm like that with clutter, too, but that's a whole other post... or two!!). You may know the verses in the Bible that go something like this, what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do, I do it. The passage ends like this in the NIV:

Romans 7:21-25
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who
will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

In this stage of my life, with the kids at the ages they are, and Andrew's work schedule as it is, I've found my quiet time with God is at night. In the past I have fought and fought trying to fit in time to read His Word and have moments of worship and prayer, constantly battling interruptions or other draws for my attention. The time was there all along, I was just filling it up with... stuff. Do you see the war waging there? I want the time up yet I keep filling it!

I think the critical turning point came when I stopped trying to turn away from something, TV time to start with, and began desiring time with God even more. I have longed for time with Him, I have prayed that I would long for it even more, enough so that priorities would align themselves appropriately. Slowly, time with the Lord, reading with the kids, even quietness, are becoming more attractive than the alternatives that were so hard to deny in the past. I honestly don't miss television, which I have not been able to say in the past. In fact, recently our connection to the converter box was broken which means the ability to watch our four stations is now not an option. I have to chuckle, it happened at the perfect time! No big deal, I'm not missing anything.

And so, I continue on this pilgrimage, winning some, losing some... losing lots, but I feel pretty good about the TV deal, like I actually followed through on something... kind of. Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Trust Me

2011-01-09T21:17:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord we're expecting another baby early this summer. Specifically when, you ask? Aha, I learned my lesson with dear little Eliza who came 13 days after her ESTIMATED due date. Let's go ahead and keep it a general time frame. It's just easier that way. *snicker, snicker* Hopefully after we finish up school for the year but before the public schools are let out (just because I know they are letting out later and later these days!) we'll be holding the newest Nordstrom.

Next week is our ultrasound, but before we get to that I want to share the journey to this point. Over the past year I have felt God pressing in on my heart such a strong desire for a large family. I ran into large families at every turn: swimming lessons, field trips, art classes, grocery shopping, travelling, Craigslist exchanges, everywhere! This gave me the opportunity to ask the mothers all kinds of questions. Despite my desire for more children, I couldn't help but realize my own inadequacies and failures and feared that pursing a larger family would only make those things worse. Did they ever feel the same way? How did they manage life with so many children? What obstacles do they face? Did they ever feel "done" with having kids? Why did they chose to pursue a big family?

Deep down I think my general feeling was that I should get my life all together first and then...

Have you been there? Whatever it is, don't we want to get all our ducks in a row first. "Look, Lord, see my great plan!! See how I've got this all laid out just right. I'm ready now! Lord?" But the testimonies I heard from so many of these moms is that you are given the strength, ability, and grace when you get there, and not before. Could that be true? Do the ducks actually line up behind you? (HA! That's kind of funny in a big family, lots of ducklings kind of way!)

One night Andrew and I were discussing children, my age (just hit 35, the magic "old mom" age where you are at higher risk for everything "bad"), our stage (crazy schedules, at the time zero money coming in), just life in general and whether or not we should make permanent decisions regarding future children. Choosing to have a baby is just as permanent a decision as choosing to have surgery to prevent pregnancy. I laid out several great arguments as to why we should be done, most of them listed above, and a tiny little mention of my desire for more children. My dear hubby disregarded all previous arguments and agreed that he too wanted more kids. Fear seized my heart immediately as all the negative "what ifs" came charging into my heart pointing accusing fingers at me in judgement saying, "What are you thinking?". But in the next moment I heard an almost audible voice say, "Trust Me." That was all, but it was clear and I was instantly at peace. I knew that if I didn't get pregnant that was God's way of saying, "I'm in control, I know you and you are done." I also knew that if I did get pregnant He was leading me down that path and I could trust Him not to leave me.

Three months later I knew I was pregnant and confirmed it with the pee stick test. Two lines. Life is changing. So happy!!

The timing of this pregnancy, though, was the first test before me. Our first baby girl, Faith Petra Joy, had an extra chromosome and the way her body formed was deemed "incompatible with life". This proved to be true as she was born still at 42 weeks. At the time, the likelihood of this happening was less than 1%. Wow, such great odds and still we got hit. This baby is due nearly the same time that Faith was and now, at the "dreaded" 35 years old, these odds have not gotten better for us (I refuse to actually look them up, it's like adding fear fuel to the fire I'm trying to keep extinguished). I couldn't help but ponder if this time of the year was just cursed for us and we'd need to go through a repeat of 12 years ago. I also wondered if God was sort of redeeming the time and giving us a baby in a month where I'm always reminded of how my arms ached for our first child. In a way though, June was sacred, just for Faith, and I was a little disappointed that this new one might overshadow her time since she's not here to say, "Hey! This is my birthday, too!!" Then I remembered, "Trust Me." All the "spaghetti brain" thoughts had to stop. I'd know when we got there if the baby would live, if the baby would be healthy, and even when the baby's birth date would fall.

The next testing time was rather on going for a few months. I had an extended time of spotting, enough that I feared a miscarriage was trying to happen. Frequent trips to the bathroom were a time for Satan to prick my heart with fear and whisper, "Somethings wrong!" Because I am with a homebirth midwife the approach to these matters is a lot more responsive rather than reactive. I could have run in and gotten early ultrasounds and looked for a heart beat but I chose to wait. There were no symptoms of any other problems and I decided that "Trust Me" meant through it all. This pregnancy would either continue or it wouldn't and we'd know soon enough. As the spotting continued, the midwife recommended bedrest and red raspberry leaf tea in case the placenta was just needing to firm up it's attachment to the uterus and my activity level was causing the bleeding. This helped but was hard with 4 homeschool kiddos. Finally as I neared the second trimester it seemed that all spotting was over and we actually heard the little heartbeat. *sigh* This either meant that an unhealthy baby had fought through a miscarriage again or that everything was fine and we'd proceed with a completely healthy pregnancy. "Trust Me."

The third testing time was a hard one. Right at 12 weeks I had met a woman whose estimated due date was the exact same date as mine. Crazy! I even slipped and told her excitedly that we shared a due date. Just a few days later a mutual friend called and said that this woman's baby had passed away. This hit hard as I realized the same could be true of my child at any time. I drove right over to the midwife's house and asked if we could try for a heartbeat again. She welcomed me in and we heard that magical sound of life right away. I celebrated for myself and our blessing but I grieved for the dear family whose baby would not be arriving as planned.

Almost four weeks later, more spotting, bright red, plenty of it. Crap. This is it. The midwife came right over and told me to give her a minute to find the heart beat. I'm not sure if I even breathed and then... there it was. Life. The quick, sweet, little heart, beating away. With no other symptoms I again opted out of an ultrasound. Also, for the first time I opted out of a quadscreen, the test that looks for chromosome abnormalities among other things. I always depended on that test to give me a heads up as we headed to the ultrasound just a few weeks later. This time I realized whatever the test says won't change a thing so I may as well wait for the ultrasound. Also there is a high percentage of false positives and who needs that stress!! "Trust Me."

At each time of spotting I googled like crazy trying to make sure I was aware of any other symptoms, dying to predict the future really. It was interesting that each time I followed a rabbit trail of symptoms and outcomes there were two options that consistently popped up: pending miscarriage or twins. Those two potential realities of either no baby or two babies struck me as a choice. I could worry and fret over a possible loss or I could have my breath taken away in awe of a possible double blessing. I decided to wander down the "what if" road of twins. It's a lot more fun. Obviously in the middle is one healthy baby, but who takes the middle road!

I have no idea what next weekend's ultrasound will reveal but we'll get a little peek into what God has been doing inside me. It will be a time to know more, but still not all. "Trust Me." And so I do, with great hope and expectation. I am trusting you Lord, what are you doing?

Don't Forget Your Shoes!

2010-04-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

What thrilling news we received this week. Our former lead pastor, John Stumbo, was brought back from death's doorstep over a year ago and has been recovering from a rare illness for these many months since. You can see, bit by bit, that his strength has been returning to him, though he is by no means running races or anywhere near where he was before this all hit. But, this week he announced that his ability to swallow has been restored. This has been prayed for by so many people, locally and around the world, for so long. Praise the Lord!! What a blessing.

After my initial reaction of excitment and praise to God our healer, my secondary reaction was one of grief for myself. You see, I prayed fervently for many months, and then occassionally as his name came to mind, and then more recently, even when I thought of him, I just forgot to keep praying. I realize that God didn't need me to pray the exact day John was healed, but I just feel like I missed out a little. My desire is to always be on my toes, ready to give and answer, a warrior equipped for battle and ready for the call whether that be prayer or giving or action. How embarrassing, the call came and I was... what? distracted? I didn't hear it ring? Was I too tired? or maybe bored with the same prayers?

This theme has been in my face for a few weeks really. I've spoken with broken hearted people and have had no encouraging words. Not wanting to speak my own opinions into situations, I've prayed, "Lord what's the truth, what would you have me say here?" *crickets* "Why can't I hear you, Lord?" I pray and I don't have passionate direction to my prayers... almost like they're a little forced. So I feel like there's opportunities before me to pray or encourage or bless and they're passing me by. It's like I'm watching strike after strike cross the plate and I'm just standing there.

To use another sports picture, it's like I'm asking God, my coach, "Why didn't I get to play in the game?" And, it's not that God is looking at me and thinking, "Sheesh, I'm not even sure I want you on the team" or "Well, this was a tough opponent and we only wanted our best players out there". But maybe He's saying something like, "You could have played, but you're not wearing your shoes". Oh!

So today I'm looking at what have I been doing to be prepared to give an answer? How have I been ordering my days so that my prayer life is active and has room to respond to God's prompting? My Bible has been mostly shut for a few weeks. My prayers have been often self focused, mostly complaining or arrows of "help" sent up. Though there have been moments of intense prayers as well, they are random and sporadic rather than intentional.

So, what's the good news? The good news is that God is God. His will will be accomplished. I can celebrate John's healing along with the daily prayers, and the ones who fasted from ice cream for all these months because my team had a victory! Even though I wasn't on the court at the moment of victory, it is a victory and I am thrilled. And, this isn't over, I still have opportunities to "play", whatever my role might be.

What a thrill to remember that the King of Kings chooses to use us to accomplish his plans. You know what? I'm going to make sure I've got my shoes on!!

Redeemed

2010-04-27T11:31:00.000-07:00

I heard a powerful testimony this past weekend, one of healing and forgiveness and overcoming. I love how God can use our most painful experiences, our failures, and mistakes, for His purposes. He redeems them! Today Mia misread her math assignment, quite frankly she assumed she was doing her doubles subtraction work, which is very easy for her. She knows you can just look at the the bottom number and that's the answer. 16-8=8 But, doubles work was yesterday, today the answers needed a different approach. Mia is a hard worker, she gets 100% almost every time, and she takes pride in that. Today, she got most problems wrong. This was devastating. Suddenly, she hated math, she hated school, she did not want to redo the work, she was a bucket of tears and frustration. Once again, the theme of redemption popped into my mind. I always circle the incorrect answers and put stars on the right ones. As the kids correct each mistake, I turn the circles into a smiley face or a puppy depending on my mood. This makes it fun for the kids, they get a secondary "reward" even if they didn't get the first star, and helps clarify which ones have been made right. Today though, I needed to go above and beyond to show her what can happen with old mistakes that are redeemed. Today's marks of error, signs of her mistake, were turned into beautiful princesses complete with starry wands. I cried through the whole thing. What a gift the Holy Spirit prompted me to give her. She was thrilled with the result and I was able to tell her, through my tears, that no matter what happens in her life she can always go to her Heavenly Father for redemption and he will make something beautiful from it.

You always have choices. You can crumple in defeat, and quit when you make mistakes or are hurt. You can hide and pretend they didn't happen. You can lash out and hurt other people, leaving a trail of further devastation behind you. Or you can allow God to change you, redeem you, and use those things for beautiful purposes that He has planned in advance for you.

Lord, my paper of a life is filled with lots of circles. Even the few stars I have are mostly just luck! But I turn myself into you for correction and healing. Make my mistakes, failures, and hurts something beautiful! AMEN!

Blogging..

2010-04-14T23:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I know there's a giant eye on my blog. At least I finally got the Christmas music off. I've been here 2 hours trying to post a new "spring-ish" picture for our header but, since I mostly use my phone to take pictures these days, it posed a few problems for me. One is that when the phone and blogger communicate apparently blogger doesn't get the message to "shrink to fit" the picture. I sympathize with the phone. I've got a few people in my life who don't get the message sometimes, too. *sigh* But, we patiently make do with what we've got for now and plan to pour more time into making it perfect later. In the meantime I've used up most of my mental energy and it's way past my bedtime so... no new post. I can't wait to get back though! I really do love blogging.

Birthday #1

2010-02-19T16:06:00.000-08:00

It must be hard to be the fourth child but WOW! so much fun, too. Poor Eliza didn't get a blog post on her birthday or one following her party either. But she is much loved and I'd like to share a few pictures from her special day.

We followed our tradition of dedicating our children to the Lord on their one year birthday. Our pastor Steve and his wife Trina came out to the house, as well as family and some good friends. It was also the day several of our pastor's kids went back to college after the Christmas break so I felt like his prayer and his heart were particularly knowing since they've been there themselves and are further down the road. We were blessed!

Here's Eliza with her friend Berlin. They're only 3 months apart (Eliza's older!). Isn't that cute, they're holding hands!

Around the party table ou can see cousin Mackenzie, Mia and her friend Olivia, and Eliza still enjoying her cake.

Gramma Linda helped Eliza open her presents which we finally remembered to get to after almost everybody had left.

I love you sweet child of mine. God is generous in giving us you, my beautiful, wished for child. You are such a joy and gift to our family. You sure do keep me on my toes climbing on everything and running all over the house. Phew! I can't imagine what the future holds for you with your determination.

Love

2010-02-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought I'd ponder love today. My understanding of love has changed through the years. Romantic love began as an ideal I created. I was completely in control of how Barbie and Ken interacted. As I got older, I tossed around lots of "shoulds" that I thought would create a perfect man and therefore a perfect relationship. A man should take out the garbage daily and work from 8am-5pm, arriving just before dinner to help get the family settled around for the meal. He should lead the family in Bible study and prayer, gathering everyone quietly around the living room, shortly before bed. He should buy flowers on special occasions and even not so special ones, too. He should treat his wife like a princess... a queen even! The list went on.
But as I grew into a real relationship, reality challenged that ideal. I realized I had a choice to either hold on to those ideals and become bitter with frustration and disappointment or allow myself and my love to be purified.

The Bible says one of the curses of Eve's apple eating flub up was that she would desire her husband and he would rule over her. (Now how am I going to get my "shoulds" taken care of that way?!). But, I set about working hard to mold my husband into who he should be from my perspective. I tried gently nudging him towards this mold with subtle hints and loving suggestions for "improvement". When this didn't work I tried everything else: yelling, crying, nagging, "helpful" books, marriage conferences, relationship retreats, etc. etc..

One day I landed on the video series "Love and Respect". This was the first time that I had ever heard that men have a different need than women in a relationship. I recognized my need for love but he was just as adamant that his need was for my respect. Well, with this new information, I realized how far short I had fallen for him as a wife. I decided to work on myself first... and then get back to my man perfecting practices.
Strangely, each time I chose to respect him, to give him room to be himself, to answer gently instead of sarcastically, to allow him to lead his way, etc. etc. it was as if my eyes were opened more and more to the amazing man that was already there. I have realized over the past couple of years that I am becoming more appreciative of art, God's art, creatively displayed in different human beings that do not fit into molds, even within my marriage. I'm so grateful that I began on this new path because it applies to parenting and friendships and working with people in general.
I decided to take this practice of respect to the basketball court. Andrew volunteered to coach Josiah's basketball team this year. You should know that I am the basketball player in the family. I knew that nothing he would do as a coach would be how I would do it. Just as we are polar opposite in every other part of our personalities, we would approach coaching differently, too. I also knew that a critical attitude would ruin the experience for everyone: him, Josiah, and probably the team. So I decided that I would not watch practices, this would limit my opportunities to be critical to just games and I thought I could manage to have tongue control once a week. I'm sure you can guess the out come. First of all, they're all having fun! I knew it. Josiah thinks it's so cool to have his dad as his coach. Second of all, players and parents are happy and praising their coach after every game and practice. In fact it's getting a little overboard... "alright already!" :) Thirdly, other parents on other teams are coming to him telling him what a great job he's doing. (I'm trying not to take this personally, after all they've never seen me coach. HA!) It's amazing how such a seemingly small role, coaching your kid's team, is making such a big impact in people's lives.
So, there is one other benefit that I've gotten to enjoy as a result of my original choice. I'm basking in the glory of being "that guy's" wife. Proverbs 31:23 says, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." It's odd that in the middle of this section about a noble wife, there is a passage about her husband. But I believe her respect for him and her behavior allows him to fulfill all that God has planned for him. She really could make or break him. And, because of his position "at the gate", it is a reflection upon her. I was constantly reminded of this little verse this season and it's been exciting to watch how it all unfolds. Glad I didn't interfere!!

The Eye of the Storm?

2010-01-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to post at the moment yet I feel compelled to start writing. I sense that God is brewing in my spirit and can almost feel the winds of change beginning to shift. Maybe it was the intense women's retreat this past weekend, or the huge life changes happening in friends' lives that have gotten me thinking. Maybe it's just part of the season beginning to change from winter to spring, or maybe He is preparing my heart again.

Why is my One Year reading plan stuck on Job right now? (by the way I am gleaning some great stuff!) Why did we look at Moses' life at retreat? Why is our book club reading, "When God Interupts"? Haven't I been down this road? Perhaps "slavery" is about to end and I am to be prepared to plod through the desert. Or was this the desert and I'm to prepare for battle as the Lord delivers us to our promised land? Well, whatever it is, I'm excited. I am hungry for God's word, listening for His Spirit, and expectant. Perhaps then I'll have an exciting post!!

So... It was a Very Merry Christmas After All

2010-01-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

So, you were probably wondering if we even celebrated Christmas this year. After all, how could I not write a post about that!!! Um, blogging is hard to get to these days. I have had this post saved to finish up and publish for quite some time now. I know I wanted to add more pictures but in the absence of time I'll just put it out there as is. Enjoy!

I felt a particular pressure this year heading into Christmas but, when I changed my focus from all the things I needed to get done or places I needed to be to what opportunities could I find to bless people, there was a very needed heart change. PHEW! Just in time for the big day, too. Over the past several months I've been looking for God's leading and purposing to be ready to say 'yes' to Him. This ended up applying to the Christmas season as well.

Our family spent a wonderful 3 days up at the Christian Renewal Center and, as always, were blessed with renewal. (who knew!!!) Here's some pictures of our time there. My favorite memory was walking with the kids through the snow and following tracks that were left by all different kinds of animals!

On our post Christmas hike, Josiah climbed up for a King of the Rock pose.

And, not to be out done, Mia did, too!

Sierra enjoyed their fun play ground which was right outside our house. She and Mackenzie played there for quite a while. Cousin time is always a blessing!

Eliza's first Christmas. Wow does time fly!! She had no problem getting the concept of opening presents and enjoying yummy food.

Apparently Mia doesn't get enough school work on a daily basis or else she just loves solving math problems! She had Gramma Linda write all kinds of addition problems over and over again.

It's fun to get away and actually spend some time with family. We played games, the boys did some target shooting and played some basketball, we hiked around camp... it was nice. Merry Christmas!

Why I DO NOT Shop At WnC ...even though it's cheaper!

2009-12-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

Today, against my better judgement, I decided to hit W*nC* for my last bit of Christmas dinner shopping, instead of the usual S*f*w*y or Fr*d M*y*r. I had just told my sister-in-law that I would never venture there because things always go wrong and the lay out really confuses me. Many times I just haven't been able to find my way to what I need. But, it was a last minute decision. I was right by W*nC*, stuck in traffic, thinking about how much cheaper it would be and maybe it's gotten better since the last time we were there and after all the kids were doing so great. Nevermind that it really was closing in on naptime and come to find out Eliza had actually already fallen asleep in her carseat. I pulled in and began navigating the parking lot traffic.

The trip actually started out pretty good. We got a great parking spot right next to the cart return so coming and going would be quick. Then, to help with the holiday spirit I had us all wear our Santa hats that I had brought. So far so good. I was inspired by a beautiful family with ten or so kids that entered the store before us, all color coordinated and behaving so nicely. I did note that the father was there, too, so I knew that despite their having more than double the amount of kids I had, my job would still be harder, but with our hats we'd win in the cute department.

And so we set off. I had Eliza in the sling so she could fall back asleep if she wanted, a good list to follow and let's not forget our great hats!! I felt kinda proud that I was so prepared for once. Of course the girls got confused on the Exit versus Entrance doors and at W*nC* there's no crossing over to go through. When you're on the wrong side you have to OBEY YOUR MOTHER and come back out and enter through the Entrance. It's ok, we made it in.

Unfortunately Sierra's hat wouldn't stay on right. She was just beside her self trying get it set right and she really wanted the Christmas bell that Santa gave her to stay on the end but that weighted it wrong and made it pull off. Of course her hopping up and down in anger really threw it for a loop but thankfully she chose to stop me right by the discounted green beans and those were on my list for green bean casserole. So I got the beans and adjusted the hat and thought, "All's well that ends well".

I allowed myself to get a little distracted by the huge box of fish crackers I saw on sale out of the corner of my eye. I sent Josiah to go get it, then sent him back when I realized there was no way I'd be spending $6 on fish crackers when we have plenty of regular crackers that everyone would enjoy. We pressed on. As we were approaching produce apparently Mia "inadvertently" stepped on the back of Josiah's shoe which was very annoying to him and he really wanted me to hear about it but I was in the middle of counting out the right number of cans of cream of mushroom soup, thinking about how many bananas we would need and responding to two older women who were just tickled at the sight of our family in the cute Christmas hats. Especially the baby... "where did you get that little hat!!"

List! Where's my list? I was beginning to shop a little "shoot from the hip"-ish and thought the list would solve everything. OK! I began to tell the kids what else we needed in hopes that would distract them from their bickering. No one was listening. A large Hispanic family smiled and laughed at our cute hats. They pointed at Eliza.... "so cute!" I smiled.

Sierra kept grabbing the cart and jumping on trying to get a ride. This throws off my direction because I really can only use one hand to drive between reading the list, getting what I need off the shelf and keeping a hand on Eliza in the sling. This is not a new issue and I guess I can be thankful that I'm not pregnant and having it bang into my tender tummy but still.... "DON'T TOUCH THE CART!!!" Lots of people looked at us. I smiled hoping they'd be distracted by our hats. Worse! They were distracted by Sierra's temper tantrum right in the middle of the tight W*nC* aisle. She desperately wanted a ride, her hat kept falling off, she bumped a water bottle off the shelf, and I was telling her "no, no, no" at every turn. For a four year old it was just the worst day ever and so she plopped herself down and began to sob and cry. Unfortunately for her there was just no time for this pity party so we continued on. "Oh, I don't want to hit your little girl" said a well meaning Christmas shopper since Sierra was partially blocking her road. I was thinking, "Just bump her a little it might motivate her to get up and OBEY HER MOTHER!!!" I gathered up my little puddle of a girl and told her to just put her hat in the cart and hold my hand (I would steer the cart with my hips and elbows). Off we go.

I hadn't decided if I was going to make cranberry sauce or just buy the can but seeing as we were right near the canned fruit aisle I made the decision to just go canned so we could get out of there quicker. "Turn left everyone." "Which way's left?" Oh honestly haven't we learned this? "Turn by the cans.... Look out for that cart! Sorry." It's like it's always our first time in a grocery store.

There was no cranberry sauce on the canned fruit aisle. I went down the canned soup aisle, maybe it's kind of off on it's own because it's not really a fruit once it's made into sauce, right? Nope. I tried the fruit aisle again. These aisle were packed and slow and Eliza had decided she didn't like her cute hat anymore and began pulling it off and throwing it down and squirming in her sling. Fine, no hat and you can sit in the cart now. Great, the cart has no belt. I tried to use the sling as a belt by putting it around her and hanging my purse in it to weigh it down. She wasn't going for that. Meanwhile Sierra decided that she did want her hat again and the issue had reached a new crisis point and her whining and crying had reached a new decibel. Josiah was still trying to tell me about all the annoying things Mia was doing and Mia was bouncing around in the aisles causing cart pile ups left and right. People around me were "tsk-tsking" and all I could think was "maybe the hats will help" so I put Sierra's hat back on and tried to distract Eliza enough to keep hers on. It actually helped for a while and at least we looked cute.

I decided we'd go for frozen cranberries and I'd make the sauce. It's easy to make and I needed ice cream and frozen juice anyway. I had Josiah go for some vanilla ice cream and I went in search of the frozen fruit. Veggies... potatoes... burritos... no frozen fruit. I went around again.

"WHAT KIND OF VANILLA?" a frustrated Josiah yelled across the frozen foods. I sent Mia to tell him he could choose. They both came back empty handed since apparently Mia said, "CHOOSE!" in a mean voice and Josiah was not going to respond to that. After circling the entire frozen foods department three times I knew I needed help so I asked two young WinCo staff members where I might find the frozen cranberries and they looked at me like I was wearing my festive hat in July! You know what... no cranberry sauce this Christmas. Oh the disappointed whining that followed this executive decision. I sent Josiah back for ice cream, "Just choose a vanilla, whatever kind you want, I don't care." *breathe*

As we headed to the check out we were passing the canned foods again and I couldn't help but feel like with one more trip through I could find the blasted cranberry sauce and save Christmas for everyone. Being the hero type, I tried one more time. I studied labels hard, not letting the bickering or whining distract my focus. There was definitely no cranberry sauce there. I left for check out mildly dejected at my failure.

It was about then I realized that I only had three kids. Mia, my independent, distracted child by nature, was missing. I sent Josiah back an aisle begging him to be kind in his pursuit of our lost girl. No Mia. He came back saying a man said, "Are you looking for your sister?" So obviously she'd been spotted. Several people passed us as we stood waiting for her to catch up, "Aren't you missing a one?" I guess we drew enough attention that people knew how many kiddos I was juggling that day. Unfortunately, just before she slipped away, she had taken off her Santa hat so now I had no identifiable clothing to mention to these observant people.

After several minutes we headed towards check out looking up and down every aisle as we went. Then I saw her, up with a clerk in the front, standing with her fists doubled up, arms laced tightly against her chest, face set in the bravest way she could. Our eyes met and you could see the relief. First she slinked side ways towards us then she fully ran. As she got closer the tears she'd held at bay came streaming down her face and I held her right there in the middle of all the chaos and carts and I cried a little, too. The lesson I'd been telling her all these years had hit her heart so there was no need for reminders. I pulled our group into the juice aisle for a little recovery time. Finally everyone was quiet, there was no bickering or whining, our festive hats lay in the cart. So we headed for W*nC* check out... the one where you bag your own stuff. *sigh*

Things went really well actually. The man behind me was so chatty with the clerk that I didn't feel as pressured while I directed the kids and bagged up our stuff. As we pulled away from the check out stand I said, "Hey, let's put our hats back on so we'll be warm outside and we'll look so festive!!" Everyone did and then I noticed the girls were chewing on something. Apparently while I was distributing the groceries between bags they had gathered up all the spilled candies around the candy machine and helped themselves. What a treat!

W*nC* was a trial again to say the least. I can't help but think bad thoughts about it. But, at least it's over and we're set for Christmas dinner.

It's That Time of Year Again

2009-12-22T15:58:00.001-08:00

Ya know, Christmas just isn't my favorite time of year. It seems like it carries so many expectations, mostly my own, and the pressure just ruins any "Christmas spirit" for me. It's also a time where Andrew works so much that whatever is going to happen depends fully on me to accomplish, it limits our ability to plan any travel, as well as the extra work around the house and sometimes it's just plain overwhelming. This year I decided I want to change my heart regardless of what happens with my circumstances. So here's some glimpses into what I'm doing...

The last several years I've been paring down the expense of Christmas and that has helped. This year I decided ease up the schedule, too. As I took so many things away I've been able to look at what I do want Christmas to be for us. What traditions do I want to create for my kids? What do I love about Christmas and how can I do those things well?

We're keeping the gingerbread house tradition. You know I've never decorated my own house, I've only ever done these with the kids. I like that the kids work together and getting to see what they come up with. I hope through the years our creations get more beautiful but for now we're doing fine with the $10 store bought kit and tons of candy piled on.

I also decided that I want to be a Christmas baker. I had a neighbor once that always made bread and jam and that was what she gave out each year. First of all it was yummy. But also, her delivery meant we had a little time to chat and connect. I love it! I want to give gifts of myself to people like she did. So this year we made cinnamon spice nuts, a very special dark chocolate fudge, and some Christmas monster cookies. It's been fun deliverying these to neighbors, old and current, and to Andrew's employees. Next year I plan to get a jump on things and stock up the freezer. I only need to figure out how to have an annual baking day with family or friends. I love the idea of doing all this together. What fun!!

This year we started something new. The kids saved money for several months and were able to bless families in need by purchasing a goat and a chicken through World Vision. I haven't given them the thoughtful thank you card that they sent us, it will be a part of their Christmas presents. It was thrilling to see how much these guys could pull together in only a few short months and I hope that this coming year we're able to be even more creative in finding ways to raise more money for this annual gift.

In lieu of an all out gift buying burnout season, we decided to have the kids buy for each other this year. That was fun. I thought they did a good job picking appropriate gifts for each other. We've done little gift exchanges in the past but this year that's all they're getting, so they got a little more to spend. We also got them a few little stocking stuffers and some clothes. I think Andrew's got something for Josiah that's more of a "right of passage" type gift. The goal of all this is to shift the focus from presents to memories. What can we do together that we'll always remember when the things have long since worn out.

One tradition I remember growing up was the St. Lucia Bride, a Swedish practice where the oldest daughter prepares breakfast for the family wearing the Christmas wreath with candles on her head. Having three girls I'm having to modify a bit but I still have special Lucia Bride memories from my own childhood so we will keep this alive!

I've also decided our Christmas dinner tradition will be the Swedish meatballs. My grandmother told me once that this was an old family tradition from way back and since IKEA came into my life and introduced me to those yummy meatballs it was an easy tradition to re-adopt.

Next year I'd like to look deeper at Advent. We've dabbled in it in the past but I'd like to really embrace it. I also think exploring more of Hanukkah would be very educational. The Women's Holiday Dinner really wet my appetite for it this year but I wasn't prepared enough to pull anything together.

I love being with family and if I could have everybody together every year with time to cook age old recipes, take long walks all bundled up, play Scrabble games until we can't think, do craft projects with the kids, sing together and no video games or constant movies being played.... ahhh, I would love it!

I suppose this post is mostly for myself, to help me remember where I'm at and where I'm going. But what are some of your traditions? What matters to you this time of year? How do you balance your own Christmas intentions with all the outside demands? What gifts do you like to give? Inspire me people! :)

The Great Transformations

2009-11-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

Many of us in our family had big changes in the hair department lately. Here's some before and afters.

I went first. My hair had been over grown and bothering me for going on 6 months. It's hard to decide what to do when you're ready for a big change, and then to have the money to spend on it, and to make the time to do it with sitters and all. But finally I made it happen! Unfortunately the hair dresser didn't understand what I wanted even though I brought 3 pictures and gave a very clear verbal explanation. So I ended up with something totally different. After giving it a couple of days I decided that I really didn't like it and got my money back. So, I guess I can't complain much about a free haircut and lucky for me my hair grows pretty fast. In no time I'll have the look I was going for, a medium length slight wedge cut. But here I am with my REALLY short hair (he shaved my neck).

Ironically when Sierra saw my haircut she wanted to get hers cut the same way. I have trimmed it several times but this time we were going for a whole new look so she got to go to the corner family hair place. Here's the before:

And here's the after:

Funny, that was the look I was going for myself! Totally cute and it fits her so well. She loves it!

But the biggest change was Josiah's! He'd been growing his hair out all year. I decided even before kids that I did not want hair to be an issue and would let the kids decide what styles they wanted as long as they kept it clean and groomed. Josiah actually has very nice hair and long hair is 'in' right now. He did have to endure lots of flack from other adults in his life though. This didn't bother him at all. But, when Grandpa Nordstrom offered him a few incentives to get it cut and keep it short he found it a no brainer and we went for it. He also incorporated it in to his Halloween costume and had it cut like High King Peter of Chronicles of Narnia. So, here's his before:

And his after:

What a handsome guy! I have to admit, I'm loving seeing his gorgeous face again.

Prayer and "This Kind" of Problem

2009-10-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I read this interesting passage in the Bible: Mark 9:14-29 (New International Version). I'm just going to post the story it tells right here and get on to my own story at the end.

The Healing of a Boy with an Evil Spirit
14When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.
16"What are you arguing with them about?" he asked.

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."

19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."

20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."

26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

28After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

29He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

I've been slowly reading my way through the book of Mark. I do all personal study slowly these days. I've gotten to follow along with Jesus as he's done so many healings and miracles. It's been spectacular! There is a ton of great stuff in this passage, too, but the part that stood out to me was the disciples little question at the end. Jesus had given them the power to heal yet this little boy stumped them. "Why couldn't we drive it out?" Essentially, "Why couldn't we take care of it ourselves? We've done it before!" Jesus enlightens them to the ways of the world he created, "This kind can come out only by prayer." This problem is for me, bring it to me, let me show you how easily I can handle it.
I'm almost ashamed to admit my personal application here but I hope it encourages you! When Josiah was a baby and we were dealing with that awful fatigue that first time parents have to adjust to, I noticed that every night Andrew and I would plead with the Lord, "Please let him sleep through the night so we can get some rest." What happened instead was we adjusted to less sleep and learned to train him to sleep through the night. There was no miracle sleep that happened but eventually we learned how to get through that time. Things worked the same for every baby that came along. I noticed we didn't pray for sleeping babies anymore and I began to laugh at myself and those silly "new parent prayers". I had even begun telling new parents that there was no point in praying for your baby to sleep through the night, God's given us tactics and your body will adjust.
Eliza was born a great sleeper. What a blessing! But she was also born an early riser and it's really worn on this night owl! I did everything I could to train her out of it and adjusted as far as I could. I'd fallen into the routine of pulling her into bed with us, nursing her, and then we'd try to catch some sleep while she wiggled around between us and played with whatever safe objects I could find nearby. Putting her back in bed after nursing usually ended with her crying and it would often wake Sierra up, so the problem would be multiplied. We're only talking a couple hours extra sleep that I needed and surely she would begin to sleep later eventually, right? Still, I needed those extra hours sleep. I realized this morning, as I was again nursing her so early, that perhaps this one required prayer. So, I presented the problem to the Lord and requested the moon!

"Lord, give Eliza a quieted spirit, remove from her the spirit of restlessness
and discontent. Calm her so that when I put her back in her bed she will
stay asleep and sleep past 7:30am and when she wakes give her a cheerful
demeanor."

This morning I woke at 8:00am to sweet babbling! I knew that God was revealing himself to me and reminding me that He is in control of EVERYTHING. He cares for me, but the world is so much bigger that ME. I felt so encouraged to continue to bring everything before him in prayer because "this kind" may find it's solution "only through prayer" despite all my previous best efforts.

Mosaic

2009-09-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

We are apart of a shepherding group at our Church called Mosaic. I was drawn to this group initially because of the name. I imagined a diverse group of individuals pursuing God and serving others together in a cool "mosaic" kind of way. The year that we finally got connected, service really was the focus and I loved it, though I found my total hours of service were shamefully low. This summer, and as I head into this next year, my desire is to really put feet to my thoughts of service and fulfill my part. I've been struck recently by the importance of the meaning of mosaic and how it fits perfectly the picture of the Church in service.

Google's web definitions has these things to say about the word MOSAIC:

- art consisting of a design made of small pieces of colored stone or glass
- arrangement of aerial photographs forming a composite picture

(OK, there were a few other definitions but these fit my analogy!)

Small pieces... I saw this at work the other night as the Church provided respite for foster parents for several hours. This is a monthly service that is offered. Some months have tons of kids and some months have fewer. As I went about the evening I found that my role was so small. I served the kids and volunteers their dinner and snacks and then I helped clean up. That's it! But, over and over I was appreciated for what I was doing. I looked at some of the volunteers I was serving, some of them held tiny babies for the entire 3 1/2 hours, some were drenched with sweat from actively playing dodge ball with the older kids, and I thought WOW! what great service. Their reply: "What? I'm just playing with some kids!" From each person's perspective their role was so small, but when you stood back and looked at it, each tiny piece pulled together and created a wonderful event that deeply blessed the foster parents and the children attending. A mosaic.

Together we can form a composite picture of Christ. The more each of us brings our gifts, our personalities, our experiences, our strengths, our ideas to the group, the more the group can reflect the detailed image of Christ. Like a mosaic, the more tiny pieces you bring together the better and more defined the picture is. If you have just a few very large pieces, the overall image is flat and monotoned and what stands out are the individual pieces not the work of art. Many variations, even between two very similar pieces, add to the dimension of the overall picture.
So, for me, this means I must actively bring my piece to the table, to be set in my special place in a mosaic that creates an image of Christ that others can see.

Most things that I might do to be apart of the mosaic take very little skill, and usually just a little extra time... I can make dinner for a family of a newborn or one who's recovering from illness or surgery. I can help a busy friend with yard work, laundry or housekeeping. I can join in the garage sale someone is hosting. I can help pack lunches for the homeless once a week. I can pick up people with no transportation who want to go to Church or Bible study. I can work hard to remember people's names. I can ask where they live, where they work, what they're up to this next week, so they know that they are cared about. I can send a note to cheer someone who looked down. I can host a dessert for a missionary to help them raise support and increase the perspective of those who attend. I can paint the nails of women who've been battered and abused as a part of a night of pampering. I can meet my neighbors and look for ways to help out when needs arise. I can park further away so older people, pregnant ladies, and people who have disabilities can more easily get to Church. I can smile at the homeless beggars at the exit and pray for them. I can actively seek to understand a missionaries daily life so that I can best pray for them. I can spend less so I can give more. I can sub in the children's departments. I can give blood. I can be friendly to the checker's and barista's I encounter and allow the Holy Spirit to direct my conversations.

These things are very small but sometimes I even forget or overlook doing them. My plan this year is to start with a mindset of "Yes!" and then to carry my calendar with me to Church or randomly when I'm out and about so when opportunities come up I can quickly save the date. This means I will either have to switch to a portable planner or carry a larger bag that will fit the calendar I have on my fridge. It also means I will have to give up some of my own plans in order to fit into a larger plan. And, in order to keep my tank full, I will also have to schedule time for myself so that I have more to give.

As a group, my hope is that as a few people in Mosaic begin to set themselves out to be used in the bigger picture, others will begin to see the beauty of what is forming, and as more and more join in it will become a work of art that others desire to be apart of.

Grandma: These Are For You!

2009-09-03T17:01:00.000-07:00

Summer is winding down but I still need to post some more pictures of our fun times.

Sierra turned 4 this summer! We had a nice afternoon with friends and family and she chose a Dora theme again. It's so fun as they get older and can do more activities, so we had some little games (bean bag toss, water balloon game, and musical chairs) that they had to do as they followed the map back to the cake!

Even baby sister Eliza got into the party mode. (6 1/2 mo. old)

Josiah and Mia went to Canyonview Camp again and both were thrilled to have great friends along this year. Here's Josiah with his best friend Boston.

And Mia with her kindred spirit Olivia.

Eliza and I attended the wedding of a friend and I got this great picture of her meeting herself in the mirror. Mia lost her first tooth this summer. Actually at this posting she's lost two and has another wiggly one! What a milestone. And, just to keep the tooth count balanced out, Eliza got her first two teeth. Look closely!

The races at Bush Park were a lot more convenient the last couple of years but we made the trip in and really enjoyed the time. Mia had to run quick and then head to choir practice but she's a great "roll-with-it" kinda girl and was glad to get to do both activities. Here she is finishing the race.

Josiah loves to run and has found some success in it, too. I love that he still runs with a smile! Here he is getting a ribbon.

Apparently Sierra loves to run, too. After running her race for 6 and under, she took off after Josiah and the 12 to 7 year olds, and finished the mile run, too. The first time Dad didn't notice for a little while and had to go running after her as she was already out of earshot. Every other time she asked to run the long race so we were ready for it. What a little runner!

I decided to make the trek to Silver Creek Falls with the kids. I was longing to just be in nature and this was the perfect antidote. Eliza and I got lots of comments about her luxury ride.

Here's the kids under the waterfall in the cave area.

Surprise Eliza!Josiah climbing around!We celebrated Grandpa's birthday a little late so that we could share it with Aunt Linda. Roaring River here we come!!

Here's the birthday Grandpa with Josiah enjoying the cool waters. Josiah was all over and in the creek.

And here's Dad being the safety guy for crazy Mia as she balances her way across the stream on the branch.

And there was sweet cousin time for Sierra, as she and Mackenzie enjoyed wading and just generally playing around.Even Eliza got to dip her toes in the creek!
It has been a great summer and I'll post a few more pictures soon. The nice thing about home schooling is that summer isn't over for us. We already have several great outings planned... educational of course!

Choose Peace

2009-08-27T23:05:00.001-07:00

We are approaching our 1 year anniversary in this house. When we were looking for a home after our house sold we chose this place because we would not have to sign a lease. The house was for sale and this meant we would be living on a month to month basis. We trusted God would have us here as long has he needed us here, and then he would move us on. In the meantime I was 7 months pregnant with three young kids to care for, and pack for! At that time I consciously made the decision not to worry about how long we would live here or where we would go next if it sold. Those things I would deal with as they came up. Instead, I chose peace. Being one who prefers a good, solid plan this was definitely not a natural response - though each time I choose this it gets easier! I just felt a strong prompting that I would miss out on a lot of joy if I spent my time worrying.

I recently came across some old notes from one of the "planning/dreaming" sessions Andrew and I had together several years ago. Year after year when we would talk about our ideal living situation, we always wrote the same things: a few acres for some farm animals, room to host people, in the country but not far from people. I can't believe we are living that dream right now and at a time when we couldn't have achieved this for ourselves. I have also learned that, for now, it's good to be renting because it reminds me that this is not mine, it is a gift, for a time.

So today I just want to praise the Lord for a year of worry-free blessing.

Thank you for the large house where so many people have been able to come and
stay with us. Thank you for the fruit trees that we've enjoyed.
Thank you for the space to enjoy farm animals and for the kids to be kids.
Thank you for the layout of the house which fully matches our family.
Thank you for the view, which is just a cherry on top.

I also want to pray for the future.

Lord, only you know how long we'll be here and what comes next. In the meantime, help us to use this place for purposes more than just our own enjoyment. May people be blessed when they come here! AMEN!

This Makes No Sense

2009-08-24T11:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we are called to do things that look VERY contrary to "good", common sense. There is no earthly defense of such behavior. There is only the feeble confidence that my wobbly little step of faith honors my heavenly Father whose good opinion should be the only one that matters. I desperately want to experience walking in faith and seeing what sweet gifts that God will provide. It is nearly impossible in my current, comfortable state of American life. There are safety nets everywhere! I suppose it is a continuing of the "test me in this" that I'm taking God up on, but I am fully aware of why it is so hard for the rich man to do this, like getting a camel through the eye of a needle. Choosing to deny resources is hard and seems foolish.
Recently the Church created a beautiful visual display of how blessed I am. With grains of rice standing for individuals around the world they showed simple things like how many people watched the Super Bowl last year versus how many attended the game, how many students are enrolled in our local public school system, how many of those get free or reduced lunches, how many in our city are currently unemployed, etc. Then the rice got heartbreaking. A huge pile of rice showed how many people eat at McDonalds in a given day (my father-in-law might find that heartbreaking in and of itself!) and right beside that there was a huge pile of rice signifying the number of people who died from malnutrition last year. There was a pile for the number of slaves in the world, children in the sex trade, those who died from curable diseases... the list went on. I couldn't help but leave and wonder why I was given such luxury to live in America. Why are my kids so safe? Why do we eat three meals and snacks every day?
I've been asking God to break my heart for the things that break his heart and this rice display is what I was met with. He is slowly loosening my grip on the things of this earth, something I've been praying for. I want to gain his perspective. Two years ago this meant going to Mongolia, this week it meant the Church provided a visual that I connected with. Tomorrow... who knows, but I love that the world around me is beginning to say to me, "This makes no sense." I'll take that as a sign that I might be doing something right! And when my own heart says the same thing, I'm trusting that the Holy Spirit will meet me there again and urge me onward in this journey.

Summer Fun!

2009-08-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's been a little deep lately so here are some pic's to capture some of the great times we've had this summer. I think I'll do two posts as there's a lot to catch up on!

Family reunion time again!! The kids had fun cousin time and it was great remembering Uncle Ed this year. I guess the boys were moving around too much, I really didn't have any pictures of them. Sierra, Grace, Victoria, Eliza and Mia at the Rainforest Cafe in Seattle. Yummy but expensive! Phew!!

Sierra and Victoria by the little creek at the park we were at for the family reunion as we did our photo scavenger hunt. Come to think of it, I never turned in those pictures!

4th of July!! My favorite holiday. Grandma Linda joined us at the Oregon Gardens, our family tradition.

What luck, we also ran into our old babysitter, Wendy!

Everyone had a lap!

I love this picture of Mia, she looks so grown up!

Then Andrew and I celebrated 13 years of marriage.He arranged for a horse drawn carriage ride in the country and dinner out to a wonderful Italian restaurant. It was a perfect evening! Here's a video clip of some "friends" of the horse that pulled our carriage. I guess they were just saying, "Hello!" They ran along side for the whole length of the field, whinnying, trotting, and kicking up their heels. It was really fun to witness.

Sadly, back home, 8 of the 9 chicks that a hen was caring for all disappeared one night so Andrew got a Havahart trap and trapped then killed the predator. So much for "having a heart"!

For some reason everyone wanted to be in a picture with it. Seems a little redneck-ish to me! The skunk was huge and he made a huge smell, too! They trapped and disposed of 2 more skunks after this one. Then we saw it, a little bundle of black and white fur, just down our hill and since nobody "had the heart" to kill a little baby, we rescued it. Josiah thought that we could rehabilitate it and teach it that it shouldn't eat chicks but we finally decided to take it to the animal rescue center. Shortly after that it went into skunk foster care. Here's little Pepe eating cat food.

We still have plenty of chickens but through the course of the summer we have downsized to 60 birds all together.

Mia with a banty chick.

Josiah impersonating his polish hen Abigail.

A Yes Day! part 3

2009-08-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

Malachi 3:6-17 Robbing God
6 "I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. "But you ask, 'How are we to return?' 8 "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. 13 "You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?' 14 "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' " 16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name. 17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.

This was the passage that prompted me to follow through with what I felt the Holy Spirit had been calling me to. I promised to share with you how our storehouses were flooded today. You know, to begin with, I'm embarrassed to say that our storehouses are already overflowing. I live in America. I have freedom, if I had no food the welfare system would provide food for me and there are countless organizations around to shelter us if we had no place to live. We have a military that protects us, good health care, and a fair judicial system. I can vote for our leaders! And let's not get into how many freedoms I enjoy. Personally, I have friends and family that love and care for us, eggs every day, chicken we could eat, and fruiting trees and vines. I live in a fertile valley where we could grow almost anything. Currently I live in a huge house where people can come and stay with me. I have healthy children and can teach them at home. But I don't want to fill this post with all these obvious blessings... today God gave us samples of blueberry muffins, free cookies, rolls of bright pink tape to play with, Cheezits crackers, and then a great rest time in the afternoon! Why are these things significant? Because it was the kids who needed to see God's gifts overflowing and most of these gifts were spoken in a love language they could understand: food and fun. The good rest time was just for me, a pause in the midst of a busy day and a huge gift to me. I love when the house is quiet in the afternoon, I can relax and unwind and prepare for the rest of the day. What a gift! As soon as Andrew got home Josiah rattled off the list of blessings God gave us today. He saw God's promise fulfilled in a personally meaningful way. This was also a gift to me.
So I have experienced, in this little baby step of obedience, that it is not futile to serve the Lord and I hope that as God continues to change me the world will look at my life and they will see a distinction and know that it is Him that makes the difference. And, when it is all said and done, what joy I have in knowing that He considers me his treasured possession.

A Yes Day! part 2

2009-08-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

On the way to deliver God's money to our special friends, I instructed the kids that we were looking for people to show God's love to. Anything goes! We prayed for God to provide opportunities and committed ourselves to saying, "YES!" when we saw them.
The first person we encountered was an older gentleman walking along the road just as it was starting to rain. Perfect! I felt safe offering him a ride because he was old enough I didn't feel he posed a threat, plus we were in a public place. I also felt this was a great gift of love because he was obviously shuffling along and didn't have an umbrella. So we pulled around. "Can I give you a ride?!" I called out. He looked at me, scowled, waved his hand toward Walmart and through some other mumbles said, "No." Then he kept on walking. Now I wanted to get out grab him and force him to receive some love but, you'll be proud to know, I held myself back. On to the next victim, err I mean...
Deciding I needed some caffeine to continue on this journey, we pulled into Starbucks. (I had in hand one of the two gift cards I had received over the last couple of weeks!) What do you know, they were doing a water bottle drive for the Union Gospel Mission! So we donated $1.85 of the $3 I had, enough for one bottle. Normally I never give to these things because I'd rather donate directly, but today I said I would say, "Yes."
So we went on an delivered the main gift of the day and as we were on the way home for lunch I saw the Red Cross blood mobile in Roth's parking lot. This is usually something I would never do with the kids. Four littles and needles, lots of waiting, small spaces... these just don't match. But, I said I would say, "Yes." So I signed my name on the waiting list.
"Alright, we'll call your name in about 45 minutes."
45 minutes?!! And that was just to begin the process. The cost is too great! The kids will be bored stiff and causing problems, not to mention hungry. This will never work.
Hey, the details are God's to work out.
"We'll see you in 45 minutes then."
45 minutes gave us just enough time to get free Roth's cookies and go to the bathroom. Then we filled out all the forms and headed to the bus. Sierra said, "Mom, is it time for your blood surgery now?" I guess I had a little more explaining to do for her.
We all stepped into the big bus which felt surprisingly small with the kids clambering around trying to see.
"Um, your kids will have to wait in the front while we do your intake paperwork."
My mind raced. WHAT?!! You want my kids, alone, in the front of a bus filled with needles and other people's blood, not to mention a few strangers? It's already been 45 minutes and they just had cookies! This spells disaster!
Even when things are out of my control, they are under your control Lord.
"Ok, I'll bring them up there and be right back."
Needless to say it was hard to answer intake questions through my prayers, but, after about a half an hour, I made it through this portion, too, and the kids were fine.
The last phase of this blood giving journey was the needle part. The needles don't bother me, though I do experience some pain, but having to lay still while my kids are just yards away is almost unbearable. At this point the kids had been waiting nearly 2 hours for this big event. It was an hour past lunch time, the whole bus was very tight quarters, several people were having vein problems and taking forever, and I wanted to back out of my commitment. But, I said I would say "yes" and I didn't want my "yes" to be a shallow, meaningless gift that I quickly took back from the Lord when tough times came, so we stayed. After a little trouble locating the vein, my blood came quickly; 4 minutes 36 seconds. I asked him if that was a record! (I am sure it came fast because my heart was beating so quickly worrying that the kids, who were now beginning to bicker and fight, were going to really esscillate!). Then, after praying for the recipient of that blood, that was it. We survived.

I never would have done any of these little things because of inconvienence or personal bent, but today I got to experience how much God can do with a bunch of little "yes's". One day the "yes" may be more costly. One day the impact may be bigger. But today, we practiced, oh, and we tested the Lord. Remember it was Malachi 3 that prompted this follow through. How did He throw open the floodgates of heaven? I'll have to get to that... tomorrow.

A Yes Day! part 1

2009-08-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

Last week we had two great days of keeping our eyes on Jesus. First we went on a wonderful worship walk. As we walked we allowed everything to prompt praise to God. It was fun to hear what the kids came up with, sometimes following my train of thought, sometimes having simple, yet profound gratefulness, but mostly focused on praising God for all the animals we saw! Hey, whatever, it was all a gift to Him. The next morning I thought, "How can we follow up on that day?" I decided we needed to go on a love journey.
For over a week I had been feeling the Holy Spirit prompting the thought of a dear, Godly family that I know. First it was just joy over their anniversary, then it was a desire to honor their 25 year commitment... but how? The thought popped into my head, $25. I scoffed, why would God want me to give a measly little gift for such a great celebration, but over and over that thought kept pursuing me. Finally one night as I was praying myself to sleep and enjoying some ice water I just had to ask God, "Why $25? It seems ridiculous." Clear as day I heard my answer, "It's not $25, it's $250." In my sleepy state, I felt myself simply respond in my heart, "Ok God." The next morning, when faced with the reality of our financial situation, I felt some strong questioning, "Did that really happen? Surely He doesn't want me to do that much." In true God fashion, what verse do you think I should read that morning?!

Malachi 3:10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

TEST ME IN THIS. So there I was, at the edge of a decision; take the leap, risk the consequences, and really trust God's promise, or, turn away and follow a more travelled path, one that made a lot more sense on paper, and one that, I must say, was a whole lot wider. So, with tears of complete joy and a heart so full I was about to burst, I gathered God's money and prepared myself to be the deliverer of His gift.

An Interesting McDay

2009-08-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

Somehow I ended up with a gift card to McDonald's in my purse, so I decided to treat the kids to lunch. The gift card was for $15 so I only had to fork over 13 cents in the deal!! Plus, it was Teeny Beanie Baby days, so the girls each got another beloved "pet". While we were eating I noticed an older lady come in and sit down behind me. In an obvious, matted wig and with a very masculine looking face, I was pretty sure this "woman" had a story. I began praying for an opportunity to talk with her. I eagerly waiting to sense what the Holy Spirit would lead me into. Meanwhile I noticed that the conversations coming from the kids were obviously Christian topics, following up on things we'd been discussing at home or that they'd learned at Church. Let me tell you, even as I was praying for my dining neighbor I was bombarded by the urgent needs of my own circumstances. When I'm with the kids there aren't a lot of free moments if you know what I mean. Shortly Josiah was done eating so he tucked himself under the table and hurried off to play in the play area. Right then a decidedly male voice came from behind me saying, "You sure have your hands full. I remember when mine were that age." Ahhhh, my instincts were right, and this was my moment! I turned to my new McFriend and smiled.
I wanted something miraculous to come out of my mouth. It didn't. I prayed again, "Lord, you have me here for a reason. Please use me to bless this person. If you need me for anything, here I am."
So we talked. Well, mostly he talked. He told me about his situation, that his wife died a few years back and his relationships with his kids is very strained now, obviously in part because of all that's going on with his body. (I'm always confused with what gender to refer to in these situations but when I looked into his eyes I saw a man so, even though outwardly he was looking more and more like a woman, I will refer to him as a man still.) He told me they discovered his abnormality not to long ago and it really explained a lot of things in his life. The big irony here is that I just watched a show about the XXY chromosome disorder, also known as Klinefelter's syndrome. This didn't make me an expert by any means but I felt like I was prepared with some thoughts about how children or spouses might be affected or how similar or dissimilar this might be from Faith's extra 18th chromosome.
Well, long story short, after he told me quite a bit about his life and his family, he started to gather up his trash and was saying his goodbyes. By this time the girls were off playing as well and it was only Eliza and I. I scooted Eliza over and slid into his booth. There had been many prayers sent up by this point. I smiled at him and said as honestly as I could, "You know, I've been trying to respond to God and listen to the Holy Spirit in my life and I was wondering if I could pray with you right now?" "Oh," he said, "I prayed this morning." "Well could we pray together right now? I wanted to pray for your family and your relationship with them." "Well, you know," he boldly said, "I'm a Captist." My little hamster wheel began spinning in my head, "A what?" "You know, a Catholic/Baptist." "Oh." I'm thinking what does that have to do with anything and what does it even mean? So I said, "Well, would you be comfortable praying with me real quick?" "No, not really." So there I was, denied in McDonalds. Ahh, but I will not be thwarted. After thanking him for spending some time talking with me I reminded him that I would be praying for him today.
So, wherever you are right now, Mr. Humanbeing-on-a-hard-journey-through-life, I am praying for you. I'm praying for rest and consistency in your body, for healing in your relationships with your family, and for the eternal hope that Jesus Christ offers to be truly known in your heart. I don't know why bright lights didn't flash and direct revelation didn't happen today but I hope that somehow through our interrupted, distraction filled conversation that you felt the love of God and remembered that you are his beloved child.

And that's the end of the story. Was that time wasted, a failed attempt at responding to the Holy Spirit? Was I only responding to my own thoughts?

Matthew 22:36-40 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the
second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the
Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Someday I may have a miracle story to share, someday I may be used to lead someone to Christ, but I know that I love God with my whole heart and today I loved my neighbor in the booth next to mine at McDonalds. Everything else is up to Him.

What a Journey

2009-08-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

The "training time" in our lives has really intensified recently. The books I've been reading, groups we're involved with, Church services and events I've attended, even my home school curriculum choices have consistently drawn my attention to Jesus so much more lately. I have been consistently led into places that require my continued faith in God, and I have been cared for every time. I have been asked to obey the Lord's commands, despite what seems acceptable to the world around me, and have been blessed every time. The way that the world is doing things is wrong! It may feel right at first. It can be talked through and justified and made to sound so sweet but it is a bitter fruit my friend, a temporary indulgence that leaves you unsatisfied.

Sometimes I feel so compelled to share the true, good fruit, the good news, to be a messenger of truth and hope, that I feel like I might burst. I have often chuckled to myself, feeling sorry for the poor soul that I might run into, all this pent up evangelistic energy might make me come across a little crazy! (Perhaps you might think I sound a little crazy right now, too.) But mostly I find that it is my children that I'm sharing this enthusiasm with. This isn't a bad thing by any means. Josiah said the other night, "Mom, I feel like God is calling me to China." Then, the next day he added, "I think I'd like to preach the gospel to orphanages using lots of animals." We recently saw Reptile Man at the library and afterwards we talked about what a platform he has because of his knowledge and love of reptiles. God creates each of us with unique gifts, talents and desires and all of these can be used to uniquely share the gospel in a way that no one else would.

So, what is it I want to share? I feel strongly that there are many lies that we've accepted, even as Christians, that leave us feeling dry and unsatisfied. When truth seeps in it is like cool, fresh water in the parched, dry mouth of life. I've been guzzling this water this year and it is changing my life. I can't help but look around at the dry mouths that surround me and feel compelled to share some of this endless supply of sweet relief.

It's been very hot recently, record breaking actually, and the most refreshing beverage has been ice water. If I was standing in this heat with a crowd of thirsty people and I had a bottomless water bottle that constantly refilled, how could I not share it? That's how I'm beginning to feel about sharing the good news. I'm really starting to understand what a precious gift I have. And, knowing I have such a precious gift, how could I sit in church each week simply as a part of my routine while I mouth half hearted worship songs to the One who gave me this gift? Or how could I just check tithing off my list each month as part of my to-dos? Or dutifully force myself to read passages of scripture, or pray repetitive, safe prayers to the King of Kings, Creator of everything, my personal Savior, God Almighty?

If I really believe He is God and that the Bible is true, then this changes everything! I operate under a new set of rules, the old worldly game is not the game being played, those rules do not apply. Not only that but my attendance at Church is no longer out of duty, it's out of a desire to learn more, and worship with other believers. My worship is not just singing songs, it is an offering to God, an opportunity to sit at his feet and say, "Thank you", to be in his presence and be overwhelmed by him. Tithing becomes an opportunity to be apart of ministry locally and around the world! I can do so much more than just my little bubble of influence by supporting someone or an organization that God is using to spread the good news. I read the Bible to gain understanding because I long to know God more. My prayers have become a conversation with my Heavenly Father, a connection to him. My sin has become more of an abomination to me and it makes me appreciate Jesus' death on the cross so much more.

How I want you to experience this, too! I think some steps that help lead us into this perspective are this:

1. Ask God to reveal himself to you in a new way. The Bible says in both Matthew 7:7 and Luke 11:9 (hmmm, wonder if it's important?!), "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." We can not find truth on our own, we need God to reveal it to us.

2. Look around you and realize the awesomeness and intricacies of all that God created, including you. Really take the time to appreciate this and let it change how you think of God our Creator.

3. Examine Jesus' death on the cross. We can not appreciate how great a sacrifice his suffering was unless we fully look at the temptations he conquered and the pain he endured for us. Understanding the gravity of his death causes an explosion of celebration at his resurrection. It completes the promise to us. HE'S ALIVE! What he said was true. I'M FORGIVEN!!

4. With these two views of God in proper perspective, what's left is to abandon everything and follow him, which is no longer a sacrifice to be made or anything scary or tedious to partake in but instead an exciting journey and an opportunity to know him more and even be used by him! (Believe me, I'm hoopin' and hollarin' right now!!)

Steps 2 & 3 are where good commentaries and books, Biblestudies, movies and testimonies of others can help you see more clearly. This is why we as Christians do these things... to gain clearer vision not because we should.

I believe step 4 is only possible with the first three steps. I can not give up everything I'm comfortable with unless I really know my Creator and Savior because, when I do, He is easy to trust. This is why my whole life I will seek to know more and more of who he is so that I am more pliable in his hands and able to be used however he desires, without fear.

Cousin Visit

2009-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

We had the privilege of hosting Victoria for a few days as she was on her way home from summer camp. It seemed like we were so busy that I didn't remember to take pictures of all the great things the kids got to do with her. But, just before she left I caught some flicks of her "in her element". I love that God has given us this farm for the time being. It is so fun to share it with other people.

Victoria is a natural farm girl and took to training Stormy and helping round up chickens right away.
As you can see Stormy had the chance to practice getting comfortable in his saddle while she was here, something that hasn't happened probably since Victoria was here last.

She also grew fond of one of the duck's, named Darkie. (Don't you just love the red headband and denim?!! Total farm girl!)

I do have to say that besides being a farm girl she is also a Lord of the Rings expert. She gave me a scene by scene description of the movie which took just over an hour! We joked that we should have just watched the movie. But, at least now I do have a general understanding of it and would probably enjoy watching it if the chance ever came along.

Her parents came yesterday to take her back home. However short the visit was, it was still a good bonding time (for Stormy and for us!!).

Help! Lord, get me out of this mess.

2009-07-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm very tired after two evenings of 4th of July celebrations. 4th of July is my favorite holiday!! But I feel like I need to blog about this thought I've had right away. So, perhaps I'll have to come back and edit my writing, but for now I'll just get it down!!

I've been reading the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan (of Simi Valley California no less!). So far I've been encouraged to step back and appreciate my Creator who is also the creator of the entire universe around me and to remember that this earth is only my temporary home and to let that knowledge change my life. I've been led to read Revelation from the position of one receiving a description from someone who had just seen a glimpse into heaven. Wow! Revelation came alive to me. I have never enjoyed reading it before because I felt like I had to figure it all out. This time I realized how hard it would be for someone to describe, in human terms, spiritual things like heaven, God, and angels. I gave the author the same margin that I would an excited friend and I felt like my heart was able to better receive the information. I also considered that he was using the best descriptions he could find in comparing the unknown things to things we would be familiar with. I read and enjoyed every minute of it.

In this last chapter the author challenged us to evaluate our spiritual temperature remembering that God spits out the lukewarm. He suggested reading through the gospels, which are the account of Jesus' life directly from the disciples. Instead of analyzing it we took the perspective of a young person reading it for the first time. For some reason John was the book I chose to read. So, with wide eyes and ears hearing from a first person account, I found this book also just came alive. Here are some of the things from my first reading that I wanted to share:

John 3:30 He must become greater; I must become less.

John the Baptist said that. Isn't that a central truth of the Christian walk?! More of you Lord, less of me!

John 4:15 The woman (an adulteress Samaritan woman, married 5 different times
and living with her boyfriend) said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I
won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

What hit me this time was a heavy heart saying, here I am again, I hate my position, my struggle, my pain. Take it away! I don't want to keep coming here to this place of pain. Haven't we all felt that way?! Get me out of this!! Of course she would still have to get water everyday, they all did back then, but I believe she's tired of doing it the hard way, in the middle of the day to avoid the stigma of her failures.

John 4:25 The woman (same woman) said, "I know that Messiah" (called
Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to
us."

I love her huge amount of faith! Huge!! Jesus had just tried to describe to her a fairly abstract thought of what he could offer: living water. She doesn't understand what he's saying for sure but she is faithfully waiting for Messiah who will explain everything. Oh, I want that same faith and expectancy! What a great thrill for her to discover that this man, Jesus, was the Messiah she was waiting for.

John 4:39 Many of the Samaritans from town believed in him because of the
woman's (yep, same woman!) testimony, "He told me everything I ever did."

I'm guessing the towns folk had gossiped enough that they pretty much already knew everything she ever did. But, instead of continuing to try to hide these things, she uses her secrets directly as a tool of communicating the truth. I can just see her going into town, oh the stares... at least she has their attention, then her boldness in saying, "Listen guys... he told me EVERYTHING I EVER DID." Finally, it's out there, the reality and truth of it all. The irony is that she no longer needs to try to sneak away for water in the middle of the day, she has freed herself through her faith, she has nothing to hide, it's out there. She has given up her heavy yoke and has been given a light one. Then because of her honesty, many believed in Jesus. How many years were wasted with crazy efforts to try to keep up or redeem her image, trying to avoid the fact that she had failed.

John 4:42 They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you
said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the
Savior of the world."

So, what happened in those couple of days the townspeople spent with Jesus? Did he tell them everything they had ever done, too? The reality is we all have failed and fall way short of God's glory. Instead of looking for ways to cover it up, let God redeem you and use it for his glory and to draw other people to himself. Step out in faith and honesty. What you will find is that you are not alone.

Things Hoped For

2009-06-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 11:1, 39 & 40 Now faith is being sure of things hoped for and
certain of things unseen. This is what the ancients were commended
for. These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received
what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only
together with us would they be made perfect.

In honor of Faith Petra Joy I re-read this chapter in Hebrews today. It was such a blessing to me at the time I was carrying her. It still is a blessing, but more than that, it's an inspiration. Oh, to be included in what some call the "hall of faith". Men and women who believed God enough that they let go of what the world values and obeyed him regardless. They required no road map, not even a destination. There was no earthly plan, but they didn't need an earthly plan for they understood the heavenly plan and fully trusted the Planner.

I heard a woman pray just weeks ago, "Thank you Father for entrusting us with this suffering." That pierced to the core of my heart. What a privilege to be chosen to suffer for Christ. I used to think that suffering for Christ meant direct martyrdom. In this moment I'm coming to understand that all suffering can be for Christ. Everyone has the opportunity to see Christ in you when you suffer or face hardships, if you allow Him to be seen. In suffering you are powerless, weak.

1 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is
why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Ten years ago I hoped for a healed and healthy baby to raise here on earth. Shortly after I delivered her stillborn I realized that she had been made perfect and that I will meet her in heaven one day when I am made perfect as well. With a clear, eternal perspective I am at peace with the understanding that I'm just living here on earth for a short while but we'll be together, forever one day. That is the time that counts, and that is covered for me. The price was paid for my sin when Jesus Christ died on the cross.

Lord Jesus, God my Father, continue to loosen my grip on the things that this world values. I desire to be a woman that keeps her gaze fixed on you. Thank you for holding Faith for me all these years until I can see her again. Thank you for the suffering you allowed me to bear and the dependence on you that it caused me to experience. You did not fail me. Each tiny step of faith landed on solid, trustworthy ground. I know I can trust you completely. I appreciate the glimpse of how great a sacrifice your beloved son's death on the cross was. Thank you for your perfect plan and that because of Jesus I can approach the throne of grace with confidence. In Jesus name I pray! AMEN!

Ten Years

2009-06-21T22:25:00.001-07:00

The phrase, "ten years" has been repeating in my head over and over again recently. Like a mantra, taunting me, telling me that I've aged, things have changed, life went on, and she's not hear. On Tuesday it will be ten years since I received my answer from God, that Faith would not be healed and we would have to go on without her. I'm remember that time right now, and for some reason, this year, ten years later, emotions are running very high. Oddly there's been a lot of reminders this year: I've supported a friend through a similar situation and met with her and another friend who also experienced the loss of a baby. I've run into the doctor who delivered Faith and some gals who were in our original Baby Loss group, and just yesterday I bumped into a nurse who was a particular blessing all those years ago. Ten years later, the grief has a different feel, but there's a piece of it still there. I've had days of many tears after years of no tears at all.
Because of my friend's situation I've been pouring over old emails and letters I typed up at the time. It's been wonderful to look back and remember the insights God gave me and how blessed and loved we were. To hear myself share from the perspective of a 23 year old I can't help but feel proud of what God did through me, how I was used, and how my faith grew at such a young age.
I've also had anxiety over how to honor Faith this year. It feels like a significant anniversary date and that I should experience it as that. I've thought of buying 10 bouquets of flowers to give away, releasing 10 balloons, hosting an evening of worship, ordering a headstone so that when I die hers will be all ready to be beside me and I will have picked it out. For some reason I've been putting off actually putting these ideas into action. I hope that by Tuesday I will have at least some wheels in motion.
Recently I was reading a blog from a man that is suffering and praying for God's healing touch. The thought crossed my mind that I didn't get God's healing touch, but I know I caught his eye. He knew my pain ten years ago, he knows what I'm feeling now, he loves me!

Camera Fun

2009-06-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd post some pictures of the kids and I playing around. I discovered the "self portrait" feature on my camera which allows you to capture yourself at a close distance (arms length) clearly. A big part of me didn't want to share them because of all the CLUTTER in the background. But, believe me, it could have been worse and how often do I actually get pictures of myself with the kids.
So, here's my boy and I. I love Josiah so much. I'm glad he's had this year of homeschooling to allow him to really get a good sense of who he is. It's been so fun to see glimpses of him becoming a man. He is really getting some convictions that are his own and he sticks by them. He is very at home in the country as he reminds me constantly.

And here's Mia and I with her latest puppy. I love her so much. She has a wonderful "get 'er done" attitude that will serve her well. She's a fun person and is definitely "farm hearted". I don't think there is anything she can't do... unless she doesn't want to, in which case I have my job cut out for me.

And then we have Sierra and I with one of her babies, Meredith. I love her so much. Sierra is my only child that has ever declared, "I'm an inside girl." Josiah and Mia both tell me all the time they're outside kids. She is very mothering both to her babies and her baby sister. She's a cuddler and a cryer. Many times she'll come up to me, completely broken hearted, eyes all full of tears, and say she misses her long lost toy pup "Ruff". He's been gone for months, we've since replaced him, but she remembers, and it breaks her heart.

And finally, Eliza and I. I love her so much. Eliza is so full of spunk. She's learning to crawl and sit and is ready to take on the world. I can't believe how quickly she's growing up. She's got a great, infectious laugh and beautiful, gummy smile. I am, however, considering a shorter hairstyle as the ponytails, buns and braids are not staying in these days. OUCH!

Finally, here is a video I made of her "crawling". You'll have to excuse the screaming, roaring siblings in the background and the constant coaxing from me. I suppose it's just a glimpse of how some days go. *sigh*

Doing Hard Things

2009-05-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

** WARNING **

This post may be inappropriate for young people or anyone with a tender heart.

Today I had to do the hardest thing (in my opinion) that you have to do on a farm. I had to put down a baby duck. I have avoided this responsibility for several months as we've had several animals that have had to be put out of their misery. They may have been sick or injured or, like this little duck, were just born with a defect that made it impossible for them to thrive. Rather than prolong their suffering, I believe it's better to end their lives as quickly as possible. I believe that, but I can not do it, that is, until today. The little duck was given a few days to see if any thing would improve. (Improvement has never happened but I think it's in our nature to give things a chance.) Apparently Andrew thought the little duck had died last night so this morning he tossed him in the burn barrel. Unfortunately, this afternoon, Josiah heard him peeping out there. Now this was a bad situation turned awful. Not only were his little feet deformed and his body lacking nutrition and water since he couldn't move right to get to the feeder and waterer, now he was covered in soot. The solution to his dilemma was obvious, I had to "take care of it". That's how I term it when we're discussing the mercenary killing of sick or inured animals. I knew I couldn't bear to watch it die and I wanted to make sure whatever action I took was thorough so the poor dear wouldn't have to suffer any longer. So, I took care of it.

I wonder if there was animal death in the garden of Eden, I mean before the Deceiver embodied a serpent and lied to Eve. Did God intend there to be a cycle of life and death for the animals? Did accidents, injuries, and malformations happen back then? Did anyone have to "take care of it"? It's easy for me to relate our human sufferings (accidents, injuries, malformations, sicknesses, pain in general) to the fall in the garden but I'm not clear on the animal and plant world. Did flowers fade? or fruit rot? One day I'll know these things for sure.

The bottom line is I hate "taking care of it". I hate the thought of "taking care of it". But, I did it. I did the right thing, here on earth, in our fallen state, where things are hard and imperfect and this little duck needed to be put out of it's misery. Even so, I'm sad and I'm sure it will take me a while to recover from this. It's still traumatic. I cried so hard I dripped snot. I even decided to write this post in order to workout some of my feelings. I also tried a bowl of ice cream, that didn't really help, which I knew it wouldn't but at least it was a nice distraction for a few minutes. I know farmers do this type of thing all the time. "Things happen" they say, "things" being death. I call that type of person "farm hearted," they do hard things enough that it doesn't disrupt their day or require a bowl of ice cream. Maybe one day I'll be a little more farm hearted but for now I'm still sad.

Just Do It

2009-05-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

I've touched on this topic before but it's come up again in an interesting analogy. A friend of ours has been competing in longer distance races through high school, college and even now as an adult. He's never completed a marathon though. Being a marathon lover, I found that hard to believe. My husband on the other hand, who never runs unless it's just for fun chasing the kids around, did complete the Portland Marathon... barely, but still.

Let's say completing a marathon was the call of God on people's lives. Despite all the talent, ability, and previously logged miles in the world if a person is unwilling to sign up and put one foot in front of the other for 26.2 miles, the marathon will never be completed. But, despite the lack of "natural ability" or even preparedness, a willing and determined person can complete a marathon. Sign up, show up, persevere. Just seems like there's a lesson there. I can also attest to the fact that if you add "train" to the equation the whole experience is a lot more pleasant!!

Just some thoughts... had to share.

2009-05-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

There are some bobble head quail that have been spotted near our house. Well, we call them bobble heads, someone told us they were California quail or Northern quail. At any rate, they have the little bobbley thing that faces forward that bobs when they scurry around in their little groups. So, since we don't have enough fowl around our place, the crew decided it was time to capture some of these wild birds.

Here they are, quail hunting, complete with long sticks for rousing them out of their nests, fishing nets for large group grabs, and boots so that they were prepared for the all terrain chase.Sierra, Eliza and I were the spooking squad. We were to try and spook the quail out in the open by being noisy while everyone else was sneaky and quiet (sort of). We took our job very seriously.

Sierra did get distracted by the neighbors' horses at one point.

After an unsuccessful hunt Eliza thought we should read up a little on these quail and their habits and perhaps reconsider our strategy. She's so wise.

I was happy with just hunting and was glad not to have to deal with an actual capture.

Good times people... good times! You can't buy memories like these.

Lessons From the Past

2009-05-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

A dear friend is walking a path similar to one I walked myself 10 years ago. So I was reading through some of the emails that I wrote during that time in order to remember where I was at and hopefully find something to encourage her. I came across this insight:

I guess the point of it all is, you put everything in God's hands: your
healthy child, your unhealthy child, your future, etc. Nothing is too big
for Him. You know the people in Hebrews where they talk about the great
faith that they had. A lot of them didn't have faith for just a few
months, it was the long, really long haul. Also, God didn't spare Daniel
from the lions den, but he did spare him from being eaten alive. Or
Shadrak, Meshak, and Abendigo (don't do a spell check). They weren't
spared from the fire, but the fire didn't burn them and when people looked at
them they saw Jesus too. Wow!!

Sometimes our trials are smaller and tedious, like things that come up in relationships, marriage and parenting. Sometimes they're big, life changing trials like job loss or financial ruin. And sometimes trials are huge like dealing with death. The common thread is that all trials change us and require trusting the process or, even more, the Processor, God.

I watched the kids working with clay this past week and thought about how we are clay and the way God works us into his ultimate design masterpiece. Sometimes the instrument for change is gentle pressure and cool water sometimes it's a sharp knife. Trusting our Creator and Savior seems like such an obvious choice for a long time Christian but following through with trust... faith... that's tough. The fact that I have examples of faith before me makes it doable. Jesus hung on the cross and suffered immeasuably, he bore the sins of humanity, and paid our debt. Now that's a trial! But then he rose from the dead, just as he said he would, and now he's at the right hand of God preparing a place for me! The Bible and the Church are filled with testimonies of God's goodness and the critical importance of having a long term, eternal perspective. May we trust God in the short term, immediate trials, however big or small, and may other people see God as we stand in those trials and wait on the Lord.

Psalm 27:13-14 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness
of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be
strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Lovely Little Ladies

2009-05-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

As I went around the van to open the door, gather up my stuff and get everyone out I was greeted by the sweetest sound: Eliza's full blown laughter. A baby's laugh is intoxicating. So sweet! Then I heard the source of her joy: two belching, snorting sisters. Apparently she found the loud and obnoxious sound amusing. I guess I can be thankful that it isn't so common that she's used to it. Here's a clip I got. By the end Mia and Sierra started getting hammy and over doing it and Eliza had moved on to admiring the camera but, for what it's worth, here's our lovely little ladies.

P.S. The roosters crowing in the background are just to add to the effect!

Spiritually Molting

2009-04-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been challenged by shifting hormones, hatching eggs, broody hens, active roosters, a darling baby who's no longer content to just sit in her swing, a testing 3 1/2 year old who must determine if "no" really does mean "no", an independent 6 year old who is out of here quicker than a whip and wants to do everything by herself, a vocal "your-rules-are-dumb-and-that's-not-how-Dad-does-it" 8 year old who is smart enough to hide gum in his room so he can have it anytime he wants without asking mom, a busy husband who's selling eggs, chicks, and ducklings, running a business during a terrible economy and trying to salvage what he can from a burnt up building and then there's that noisy donkey who thinks it's appropriate to call out at all hours of the night! A dear friend pointed out that perhaps I'm not getting enough sleep. Honestly, it hadn't dawned on me. I realized (during the middle of the night) that she was right on! In my sleep deprived, hormonal state I've been less than gentle spirited and I doubt any children will be rising up any time soon to call me blessed, let alone my dear husband who may be wondering where the lovely lady he married went.

I'm reminded of the hens when they go into molt. Molt is an ugly time. A time where they lose old feathers and their porous red skin shows through all over. They look like they've been attacked by a raccoon or were on the losing end of a chicken fight. When you look at them, you can hardly help but be taken aback and gasp, "OH! What's wrong with her?" Also, they don't lay as well, if at all, during this time, so they're kind of useless. I relate to these molting hens. I don't feel productive right now and it seems like all my ugliness is just out there for everyone to see, especially those closest to me.

The great thing about molt is that I know it does come to end and what comes next is a beautiful thing. Egg production is up, in fact, right after molt seems to be a high egg production time. New feathers fill in beautifully making the hen look her best. Molt is just a temporary part of a hen's life cycle. I appreciate that the hens don't hide out in their nesting boxes waiting for it to end. They're out there pecking and scratching, foraging for food and socializing with the other hens (even if the other hens are all filled out with beautiful feathers!).

I'm hoping that this season of life will slough off some more of the old, cruddy attitudes and behaviors and will reveal a more beautiful spirit. I'd like to be an effective Warrior for the Lord, a blessing to my husband, a leader to my kids, and a good friend. During my spiritual molt I need God more than ever. I need his word for direction, correction, and encouragment. I need the Holy Spirit to remind me of the truth when negative thoughts creep in. As I read today with the kids, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made, (God's) works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Lead me through this time Lord, it's ugly and discouraging, but I trust your end. There are many ways to go, but my plans will fail. Through these tumultuous times, I will cling to your truth. Help me to cast away worry. You are in control.

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So... Who is Who?

2009-04-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

And the answers are...

1. Sierra

2. Mia

3. Josiah

4. Eliza

If I had plenty of time I would have cropped them all the same size and done them in black and white. I think that would have made the similarity even more dramatic. How I love those sweet faces. All the pictures were around 3 months old. It was fun to look back at them and remember what they were like and how life was at the time. I'll have to do another one when Eliza is a year. Thanks for guessing... that made it kinda fun for me, too. :)

Who's Who?

2009-04-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I think we have a baby mold! I love it though!!!

He's Got Style

2009-04-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

Josiah has wanted to grow his hair out for quite some time now. Quite frankly, he has nice thick hair and I think it would probably look nice. He's been overdue for a hair cut for several weeks now so I decided to take the leap and allow him to grow it out. I decided before I even had kids that I would not battle them (too much) on issues of clothes and hair as long as they were decent and cared for. There are occasions where I have overridden some choices, especially around the holidays, etc. And I have been known to voice my opinion on some outfits and to gently direct wayward colors to a better match. But, the deal on his hair is he has to keep it "styled", not just mop topped. This means he has to brush it and wash it and generally care for it. If he doesn't, then I will take him to get his hair cut into something more manageable. Right now it actually looks pretty cool. He usually flips it back to one side and I have to admit I like it! But, when I was meeting with a friend recently, the kids were there and his hair was uncombed, tweekin' here and there, not up to snuff. I was telling her about our hair deal and I said that maybe I'd take him in to at least get it trimmed into a real style. Well that got his attention. "Mom!" he protested, "I have a style. It's called bed head." Nice.

Good Dog

2009-04-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

I've been having an extra amount of problems between Sierra and Mia lately. It seemed that most of it stemmed from Sierra so, in a quiet moment, I tried to get to the heart of the matter.

So I gently said, "Sierra, God made you Mia's sister and that's a special thing. It's so important for you to be the best sister that you can be. I want you to try to be kind and play nice with her. Don't whack her or take her stuff. It's very special to have a sister and so you need to be nice."

During my little speech Sierra started to tear up and I was so satisfied that I had touched her heart and that this could be a turning point in their relationship. (Or at least stop some of the fighting!). After a moment I asked her, "What's wrong Sierra?" Through sniffles and tears she looked at me and said, "I don't want to be a sister..." Oh no! My whole pep talk had taken a terrible turn, now she didn't even want to be a sister. My brain raced trying to think of how to encourage her in her role. All I could do was say, "What?"

"I don't want to be a sister," she repeated, "I want to be a dog!"

Uggg. "Well," I conceded "At least try to be a good dog."

What a Day!

2009-04-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Despite the sign we actually had a few customers come in. One of the salesmen came back into the rubble to announce he'd sold a jacket! The front of the building which is primarily retail was fine, the middle portion which is offices, sewing and embroidery had minimal damage but will take some clean up. The back area, which is screen printing, was completely destroyed. You can see the dividing wall here between the middle section and utter destruction.Here's Andrew surveying the rubble. The sun is shining through a hole in the roof.

Here's a destroyed printing press. This is just peeking into the back area, you can see the door frame is charcoal.
The employees were amazing. I really appreciated their support and attitudes. Some came in the middle of the night and stayed until after the fire was out, assessing damage and trying to grasp the reality of the fire damage.

Here's Chad sorting through damaged orders so we could immediately call customers. Sadly these orders were in the finishing department! You can see how the canvas rolling cart was melted away.

The Statesman Journal came out and did an article and took some great pictures. Keep in mind that, as all newspapers do, the article had a few facts incorrect and there is some drama that may not be accurate, etc. Also, we've received some very kind comments online but also some that are borderline slanderous. It's sad that people feel obligated to kick us when we're down. I definitely appreciate the people who've reacted to the negative by supporting us.

We are still in shock from this but given what we've come through in the past we are confident that we will come through this as well and are so thankful that no one was hurt. It definately reinforces that stuff is temporary, one minute you've got it, the next it's gone. In this economy I know many of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Also, we have to give a huge thank you to Salem Fire Department. They did a spectacular job in containing and extinguishing the fire quickly. I was so amazed at the care they took in protecting the other parts of the building.

So, *deep breath*, after surveying the scene, the kids and I went out to lunch and as we were pulling up to Carl's Jr. we see a little bantum rooster right in front of Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits Restaurant on Hwy 22 (not a great location for a chicken to be on so many levels!). So, being the chicken people that we are, we went right over and Josiah caught him as he got tangled up in the bushes. Since Carl's Jr. provided the box for us we decided to name him Carl.

The funny thing is we found out he's a celebrity. The chicken was briefly on TV tonight!!! You know what? I needed that laugh. What a day!

Fire

2009-04-03T07:12:00.001-07:00

I don't have pictures at the moment.

Early this morning, 1 am to be precise, we were awoken by a call from the security company telling us the smoke detector was going off at the business and the fire department had been dispatched. Minutes later a friend and neighbor of the store called frantically telling us the building was on fire. Andrew hurried out the door. The next call was from an employee who lives near the store as well. I had already prayed many fervent prayers by then. I called my brother for multiple reasons. It was hard to decide if I wanted him to go support Andrew or stay home with his scanner and give me updates. I asked him to go help Andrew. Actually through my adrenaline induced indecision I don't think I ever got around to asking but he actually offered to go down there. Then I called my mom and she offered to come here so I could go down to the store. By the time she arrived, around 2:30am, the fire was pretty much out and Andrew said they were just standing around. So, I decided to stay home and pray some more.

From the statesman journal site I learned it was a 3 alarm fire. Andrew said that screen printing was hit the hardest and the rest looks fine. No one was hurt which is a huge praise. I'll update more later but just wanted to get the news out.

A Tribute to Logan

2009-04-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

I met someone today, but only for a little while. His time with us was too short. He's made an impression on my heart, praise God, as only little ones can. He reminded me of my own child that I am waiting to hold again: tiny, sweet, soft... What a privilege to be allowed to experience precious moments with someone who's moments are known to be few. This is a treasure I will always hold dear, a gift I've been given today.
I witnessed a mother who bravely walked through painful waters and led her children safely through as they said hello and goodbye to their baby brother all in one day. She soaked in every second with him and took her time making beautiful memories and allowing others to make their memories, too. I watched a father, who's heart, I'm sure, is full of grief for a son he can not save, being strong for his wife and family. There were so many different broken hearts in that room, grandparents and friends, enjoying the moment and holding sadness at bay. It was the time to enjoy little Logan, and we did. Even the nurse was touched by his life. I caught her outside the room, releasing her emotions, tears flowing down her face as she expressed her admiration for her patient. Pictures were taken, hand and foot prints made, but all of these things are really just extra... he will never be forgotten.
Thank you Jesus for Logan, I accept your answer to our prayers but we'll all need help walking through our grief. I pray especially for his parents, bless them for trusting you and allowing you to control this outcome. Sustain them through this painful time. We leave Logan safely in your arms until we can see him again. In Jesus name, AMEN.

LOL

2009-03-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud... you probably know that by now. I just wanted to share with you some funnies over the last couple of days that got me LOLing.

Mia came home from a snow trip with Grandpa Davis and said to me, "I brought you something." Well, how nice! She came up to me and said, "I didn't have anything to put it in so I had to wrap it in garbage." Mmmm... I'm thinking. She carefully unwrapped the granola bar wrapper and revealed a pinch of marshmallow that she saved for me. This is no ordinary marshmallow, it's the carmel flavored ones... "special". I looked into those sincere, dark brown eyes, took the bit of marshmallow, removed what fuzzies that I could, thanked her and gulped it down quickly trying not to think about what else might have gone down the hatch with it. LOL!

Yesterday Andrew was faced with a dilemma. While we were driving down the freeway a small yet potentially dangerous beetle like bug had landed... um, how shall I put this... "between his legs". I didn't notice the bug at first, what caught my attention was his twitching hand as he debated whether to swat the bug and risk a self inflicted injury or to let it continue to crawl on him. Hard to multitask important decisions like that while you're driving 70 mph. LOL!

Speaking of bugs. Sierra came shrieking into the room the other day, dancing all over the place, with something pinched between her fingers. "There's a bug!" she said. She knew she wanted to kill it but halfway through lost her nerve and it freaked her out. I finished it off for her. LOL!

Tonight Sierra came to me crying wearing nothing but her Dora undies. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "I don't have any cute jammies," she sobbed, "I don't like those other ones." Thankfully I had just done the laundry and we found some cute jammies in there. Crisis averted. LOL!

I just love little things like these.

When Life Gives You Lemon Juice...

2009-03-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

I was waiting for gas at the Costco station today. Usually they have the best price and it's conveniently located to a lot things I do (like shop at Costco). It strikes me every time how many vehicles are being filled up there. There's always a line and it's not like they don't have 10 stations!! What is the world coming to? Honestly! It makes me want to ride my bike. But then again, it would be hard to fit all the kids on or behind the bike and fit all my super sized Costco groceries in there somewhere, too. *deep breath* I guess I'm doomed to be a minivanner... at least for now. Speaking of super sized Costco shopping, I made another shopping mistake last time I was there. You know when you're tired and you have to pick up some groceries but you don't have a list, so you just wing it and end up with some weird things but not everything you need? Ya, I did that the other day, Costco style. I was just getting some basics to get us by until I actually had my list. I remembered as I went down their baking aisle that I needed some lemon juice. I'm not sure why it didn't register with me at the time that I did not need 96 ounces of lemon juice, (two 48 oz. bottles). On the bottle it says "the juice of 31 lemons". Hmmm... What would I do with 62 lemons? Thankfully my sweet sister-in-law passed along a great article in Real Simple magazine about uses for lemons. I guess I'm set in that department! In fact, I don't know why I'm spending time blogging. I should be... sanitizing the chopping block or removing soft cheese from the grater. When life gives you lemon juice... remove tough food stains from plastic!

Great Grandparents

2009-03-25T10:43:00.001-07:00

The van was quiet as we pulled on to the freeway... something that's odd with our crew of 4 kids. The first to speak up was Mia. "Mom..." she said, "I'm gonna miss Grandpa's sticky buns and stuff." "Me, too" I said. We had just said our goodbyes to GG and Gpa, my grandparents, outside of Denny's. When we hit the freeway, they went north to the airport and we went south towards home.

For the past week and a half we have had a wonderful visit with my Grandparents from Michigan. It's been nearly 5 years since we saw them last and this was their first time meeting Sierra and Eliza. The kids got to spend plenty of quality time reading books, cuddling, sharing old stories and enjoying plenty of family meals. Grandpa did make sticky buns, and dinner rolls, and cinnamon rolls. It was great. Grandma made a nice gravy for the meatballs and a wonderful veggie soup. It was so nice to have an extra set of hands around to help with Eliza, rounding up the wayward alpaca, and keeping the dishes moved along. They got to watch the kids in PE class and it was fun to celebrate Mia's fancy birthday with them here, too. David, Cheryl and Mackenzie made many trips down here so we could all be together and my mom even slept on the couch several times to extend the visits. It was a wonderful time and they will be missed!!

I hope we can get up to Michigan to visit them next. Andrew's never been to their neck of the woods and Josiah doesn't remember when he was there last. He was only 17 months old.

I love you Grandma and Grandpa. THANK YOU!!!

On a Mission

2009-02-25T16:28:00.000-08:00

I recently read a post to FB on complacency in the Christian life. More specifically how it has no place there. It was taken from the rebelution blog . I was reminded again that the journey in a Christian's life should not be driven by what we avoid but by what we seek. I don't want to be known for what I didn't do, but rather by what I did do. In fact, I don't think anyone would remember what I didn't do. What I do, good or bad, will be what is remembered. That concept is hitting me pretty powerfully as we consider how God wants to use us. Is our call to Christian camping and full time ministry still a call or was it a tool to lead us in a different direction with our lives in general? All Christians are "called" to share the gospel or evangelize as well as encourage or disciple other believers. Some are called to do it as their job, we call them missionaries. I'm just not sure where we fall.

We are still approved candidates with American Missionary Fellowship. Since the purchase of the camp has fallen through, AMF has given us time to pray and consider our gifts, talents, and passions and to determine if we still feel called to full time ministry. In which case we would complete our year of candidacy at that point.

We do have a passion for camp ministry. Through that type of ministry I see us as more wired towards discipleship and creating environments for others to evangelize. However that could work, the reality remains that we still have the business and it is not something that we can just walk away from. So, here we are, in what I consider sort of an oasis stage, in regards to our living situation, with time to grow and flame our passion. We have a lot of flexibility in our personal lives in that we don't have a house to sell and Andrew is not so tied to production at the store. We also have a lot of ways that we can evangelize and disciple right where we're at. That's exciting, but does it mean we drop the pursuit of full time ministry? That's what we're weighing.

It's so easy in this spot that we're in to relax and just wait to see what shakes out. The thing is there is no such thing as "holding" in our spiritual journey. It's like we're in a boat on a river, we're either paddling up stream, pursuing it's source, or we're drifting down stream. The waters might be calmer now but they still have a current. We need to keep paddling! Somehow it's more obvious when we're in the rapids.

So in this time where I feel no urgency in my personal prayers or reading the Bible I'm reminded that I am a Christian. I have a long spiritual history of believers who fought to make sure I got the message of the truth. I can't drop the baton on this! There is always urgency! What a privilege I have and what a responsibility. I'd recommend the book, "The Beautiful Fight" by Gary Thomas who addresses this in depth.

For now, I'm looking for ways that God might use me, like in the lives of my kids and friends, and I'm trying to be more aware of and sensitive towards people around me in general. I'm praying that God will give me his heart for people and that I'll see them with his eyes. I'm also praying that he'll show us as a family how we might be used, full time or not, to bless other people and lead them to him. Finally, I'm paddling when I'd rather float. I will seek God through the his Holy Word, the Bible, even when I don't feel the urgency.

Good Stuff

2009-02-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

We were riding in the van the other day and Josiah was reading aloud some Brain Quest questions. He came to one, "Who is the author of 'Green Eggs and Ham'?" Doh! I know this one. Why am I having a brain freeze? I just couldn't pull it up. Duh!

After waiting a moment for me Josiah says, "Dr. Suess!"

"Oh, ya!" I responded, "I just couldn't think of it."

"Ya," he says, "I like Dr. Suess. He's written a lot of good stuff."

My son... he's deep. He's read a lot of good stuff.

Pastor John Stumbo Update

2009-02-22T16:59:00.000-08:00

Pastor John has a long road of recovery ahead of him. He has started a blog which I wanted to pass on to you: http://www.salemalliance.org/serendipity/ I hope you are blessed in following along with his recovery. He tells about his physical state so that we can better pray for him and shares his spiritual insights along the way. God does amazing things in our state of weakness and I'm so excited to see how he uses this influential man.

Speaking of Choices

2009-02-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

I've enjoyed lots of good discussion regarding the last post about choice, the octuplet's mother, and about abortion and sex in general. There are some good comments here on the blog too so I wanted to follow up with some more thoughts.

I think that it's clear that the time to educate is before action is taken. Whether that be before implantation of several embryos or having unprotected sex, there are possible consequences for our actions. Sometimes we might escape them but sometimes we do get stung. What I think is ironic is that this woman couldn't have children naturally. She was married and tried and tried to conceive. She had many physical complications. For her, extreme measures had to be taken to achieve something that, for some people, happens accidentally. She was educated that the risk of implanting several embryos was a possible outcome of several babies. Each time she implanted several embryos she took that risk. One time that possible consequence happened big time. Ouch! But she decided to keep all the babies.

I doubt there are many people out there who do not know that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, among other things. I think less people are educated about the failure rates of birth "control" (control, oh, that's a whole other topic!) and assume that they are all 100% trustworthy. I think it's unfortunate that there is an "out" for those that do suffer the consequences of that choice simply because the "out" carries heavy consequences as well. And, as I said in the previous post, I don't think we'll ever know the depth of those consequences. The extremely tempting bait is that you can continue on with your life plan without the interruption of an unplanned child or too many children at once. We really value our plans don't we!

Carrying a child, or in this case the children, or aborting them are secondary decisions, the first choices, sex or implantation of multiple embryos, are over with and the results are there to be dealt with. The secondary decision is the one that I feel should be weighed equally. Just because we don't realize the loss that abortion causes doesn't make it a better choice even if it is more convenient than adding 8 more babies to an already struggling family.

Sex is more often a slippery slope where implantation is a calculated climb. You don't need lots of money or a doctors appointment to have sex! I think this is what has most people upset and asking, "What was she thinking!" But in our worst decisions and failures God meets us to restore and redeem. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, peace for despair. So, despite the fact that, from my perspective, her choice to have many children on her own may be an unwise decision and that on her 6th time her gambling didn't pay off, I would still say that these children might possibly change the world or at least their world and one way or another I hope they grow up in loving homes and come to know the love of a Savior that died for them and desires a relationship with them.

A Woman's Right to Choose

2009-02-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

I just finished watching an interview of the single woman who delivered eight babies, making her total children 14. I will agree that she has too much on her plate. I think that collecting honest disability for her autistic child is appropriate and a way to make ends meet for her family and provide for his extra needs. They're not living on much, it's not like she's getting rich through some wild scheme to have tons of babies and collect disability on the ones who need it.

I appreciate that she admitted that she wasn't out to have more than 1 more baby this time - at least she says that in hindsight. I also thought it was interesting that she had 6 embryos implanted each time she conceived the previous children and only once had twins, the others were single births and the rest of the embryos didn't survive.

What fires me up about this whole situation is the anger and hate that has stirred within a nation that supports a woman's "right to choose". It's not called pro-abortion but pro-choice. So, following the choice theme, she should also be supported in her decision to keep all 8 babies. Yes, her road will be hard and more than likely there will be an affect on society. We will all realize that soon enough, mostly those close to her, but I suppose the trickle down affect of our pooled taxes will generally affect all of us, however small it will be. (Fractions of pennies I assume). We will live with her choice and know the consequences of it. We can judge her and tsk tsk the circumstances. Those that are close will have extra burdens in helping these children through life: childcare, money for food, clothes, etc. We will see what affect her choice makes.

On the other hand, we do not know the loss that society has faced in ending a life through abortion. We can't count the cost to society. It can't be judged. Many times we can't even count the cost to the people who have made the choice to abort their unexpected, unwanted child. It's a choice which can't be traced unless the mother, and sometimes the father, choose to describe the burden they quietly carry inside. Even then, the difference will be in the path one life takes and the impact it makes because the other life is gone.

Eight babies were unexpected but life for them was chosen. Chosen! Several of them could have been "selectively reduced". Praise God for their lives. I'm praying that they are healthy and that they kick some butt showing society what an impact a life can have however inconvenient it may be.

Is She Really A Month Old?

2009-02-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

Not that we don't have other things going on besides watching Eliza grow, but that is our newest thing around here. The kids participated in the AWANA Grand Prix. They both designed their own cars and with help from Grandpa Nordstrom and Dad put together some great looking derby cars.

Grandpa Davis and Grandma Linda came to cheer on the teams: Red Rocket and Purple Flasher (we tried to get her to name it Purple Flash but she insisted on Flasher, hopefully not a sign of things to come!).

Eliza was there too but was not nearly as enthusiastic as the rest of the crew.

Josiah and Mia are also playing basketball so our Saturdays are busy with driving between games, getting a rest time in for the younger crew, and then heading to Church. We've been running into several friends along the way and Grandma and Grandpa and even Aunt Cheryl and Uncle David have made some games so it's practically sustaining my social life at this point.

Sierra has been finding her own things to do, including shampooing her own hair... with hand soap... while fully dressed.

She's also been enjoying picking out her own clothes and really likes dressing up fancy. This is so different from Mia who is more like her mom, plain and simple. I think Grandma Linda's ruffles and frills gene may have skipped straight through to Sierra.

She is definitely a mini-mom though and really loves her baby sister. Though she can't have as much freedom as her older siblings she is really catching her stride as a bigger kid now.

Gray Hairs

2009-01-30T15:04:00.001-08:00

Occasionally a gray hair or two will pop up on the crown of my head. I normally just tweeze them away and stand firmly in denial that I am aging. After all, I still feel so young! I've only had maybe 20 or so my whole life, but still they're becoming a little more consistent in their arrival. The other day I was looking at Andrew's sideburn hair and noticed he was getting some "frosting", too. At first I was disgusted because I knew his would be looked at as distinguished and mine would be just plain signs of aging. But, then I realized that this meant a dream of mine was starting to come true! We are both graying... that means we are growing old together! I hope we get much older than this but still, we've started on the journey. We'll have been married 13 years this summer and we've been dating each other another 2 1/2 years. I love him so much even though he may be one of the reasons for some of those gray hairs!

But, to add a cherry on top of that "gray-hair-equals-growing-old-together" realization there was a blip I heard on TV about the newest trend in celebrity hair. You guessed it! They're going gray. The trend, they say, is to be natural and not cover your gray. So from that point forward I decided not to tweeze at my crown of glory but to just see what happens. Currently I have about 5 gray hairs that I can occasionally see, that's without digging around for more. I'm sure they do have some friends that are still hiding from me. So far nobody's stood aghast, staring at the top of my head. I guess nobody really cares too much about it and the one person who I would most like to impress says he likes it just fine!

Christmas Is Finally Over

2009-01-24T14:50:00.001-08:00

Yikes! That Christmas music on my blog was driving me crazy. I don't know about you but I'm done with it on December 26th. This year I was just rebelling since Eliza didn't come by Christmas so I left it up to extend the season. Then after she came I was just too busy to get to it. Well, the day came. Andrew is out riding the 4 wheeler around to the neighbors trying to bum a tractor off one of them. All the big kids are "helping" him and Eliza is asleep. A moment to myself and what am I doing... blessing you all by getting rid of the Christmas music.

You're welcome.

Can A Guy Do That?

2009-01-21T23:44:00.000-08:00

So Andrew and I were on our weekly date and had an interesting conversation. For some time now I have been pondering the fate of the barista's at our local Bikini Coffee Co. It's bad enough that they poor girls are really just eye candy for oogling men who need a caffeine fix. Ick. But, I also feel they are really putting their midsections in danger. My concern is that their bare skin is in close proximity to hot steaming milk. One false move and you've got a major burn and there goes your pretty midriff for the coming summer not to mention the risk of infection if the burn is not cared for properly. I wonder, do they get to do their training in a one piece? Maybe they work up to a bikini once they're more experienced.

If you look at any successful coffee company (Starbucks) you'll see that they wear aprons and not just the little waist aprons, the full front long ones that really protect your clothes. Yes, they also wear clothes. Not the girls at BCC. They wear, as the name implies, bikinis, or at least bikini tops. I'm not really sure because I refuse to support a business that would demean a good cup of coffee like that. It's pretty gross for the consumer to be buying a beverage from a partially clothed server. Honestly, I want as little of you near my mocha as possible.

So our discussion began with this subject and moved to what I've been wondering. What is the dress code for a guy that wanted to work there? Would he have to wear a bikini? Weird. Would he go topless? Ewww... think of the hair! It seems there would be no place for him there without a serious health code violation. Do they make full body hair nets? So, to me, the Bikini Coffee place just seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen, either for burned barista bellies or for bummed out boys with body hair who are refused a position.

Then we discussed other similar jobs where the focus is sexual appeal paired with food or drink. Do guys work at Hooters? We've never been there so we don't know. Do they wear tight shirts and short shorts? Again, eww! Andrew thought maybe they'd work in the back or as the grunt workers letting the girls do the flirty stuff upfront to get people in the door. Ya, that seems right, but hardly fair, I bet the guys get to wear comfy shorts.

Mothering Four - Some Sleep Deprived Rants

2009-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm still here. I'm finding that running the home show is hard. Oh, there's that word. Didn't I blog about that before?! No, a better word would be challenging. There is a lot to figure out, a lot of pieces that need to come together, a lot of grace that needs to be grown, etc. I always get the same response from people when I look for encouragement and advice: keep your priorities, the housework will always be there, it will get easier. I don't think it will get easier, I think I will gain some skills and become better able to handle it. SO GIVE ME THOSE SKILLS NOW!!! Oh, I mean, patience is a virtue... Maturing is a process... These things take time...

I know the housework will always be there but at some point we'll run out of food, except for the eggs of course, and we won't have any clean clothes, and we'll get some kind of foot fungus from the filthy floor, and rats will move in to take care of the crusted food on the dirty dishes. You know... I don't want those things to happen! So, I'm trying my best. I've got baskets of clean laundry, unfolded but available. If you see us walking around all wrinkly just be glad you don't see food stains and muddy knees. And, if you do see food stains and muddy knees, well, now you know why. I've got a dishwasher full of clean dishes and we're using paper plates so the issue doesn't seem so big. Denial is nice. I sweep some areas and try to overlook the others. It's kind of a rotating schedule where the squeaky wheel gets the oil or in this case the crummy floor gets the broom. When it's dependent on me, we don't eat great but praise the Lord for friends and family who've made meals for us. Seriously this is a huge help. All I have to do is take something out of the freezer or heat it up and often there's leftovers so we have lunch the next day, too. I think this will help us make it to the next stage where we've all adapted to our new normal and I can begin my own freezer cooking.

Speaking of adapting to our new normal, is this normal? I think so, in fact I'm declaring it so, and I'm telling you about it so that when you hit that time in your life and you look around you at all your domestic "failings" you can remember me and know that you're normal, too! Also, you'll remember to stock up on paper plates.

As for my priorities there's too many of those, too, even if I just count human beings, somebody has to give, often it's me. Have I showered this week? Hmmm, oh well, ponytail and extra deodorant will take care of that. I saw a reflection of my "outfit" today in the window of Nordstrom's. Yikes! Why did I have to go to Nordstrom's of all places? I needed a refill of my facial cleanser and Nordstrom's is most convenient. So there I was all frumpy and mismatched wishing that Target would carry Clinique products because I could hide better there. I had to laugh at myself because of course I ran into someone I knew. Cute! Nothing deserves a latte like Nordstrom induced stress (I'm talking about the store still, although I suppose that comment could apply to my family as well. Hey, anything for a latte!).

All these rantings aside I can still declare with confidence that I am incredibly blessed. I'm taking the time to enjoy Eliza's babyhood, Sierra's preschool days, Mia's Kindergarten year, and Josiah's grader time. All of which I know will be gone all too fast. Andrew and I have a weekly standing date which even a year ago I would have said was a miracle! I attend a church that challenges and encourages me and in which I can easily move into worship even following the worst of car rides. I'm living in a place where I can see both the sunrise and the sunset! We have a home to clean and clothes to wash.

Well, one of my blessings needs a diaper change. Praise the Lord she's healthy!

Two Weeks In

2009-01-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

Well, we're all in love with Eliza. It's such a blessing to have her here. Life is not the same and I've got a lot to learn about being a mother to four kids. I never was any good at juggling. Sometimes it feels like I'm just spinning circles and only getting things started or maybe 1/2 way done. It's worth it though and I believe, with time, we'll all land on our feet and find our new normal way of life.

While the older kids go to AWANA, Andrew and I go on a date. It was fun to take Eliza to our special place, Willamette Noodle Co., for the first time.Here she is, "Pretty in Pink" waiting for her bath.

Look at those tootsies!!! I love all her little tiny "babiness".

Sierra picked out Eliza's jammies. She's a loving, sweet big sister and very helpful getting me diapers, binkies, burp cloths, and yes, even picking out her clothes.

Even though Mia is very busy taking care of the chickens and horses, she loves to stop and love on her newest little sister. She'll sing to Eliza in the car if she's upset.

Josiah is the proud, protective big brother to three sisters now. He loves to cuddle with Eliza and is very helpful, holding her while I get dressed or getting me things I need. He sits next to her in the van and is in charge of the main entertainment for our rides into town.
Well, I had a great picture of me reading to all 4 kids. Sadly through one mispress of a button I deleted it forever. I just wanted to share that with you so you could feel my misery. But, I did get a great picture of Eliza figuring out how to smile.

Eliza's Birth Story

2009-01-14T11:00:00.000-08:00

This is my written account of the day that Eliza was born with a few pictures of the event as well:

I had been having harder contractions since the previous day but no consistent pattern. This morning though I did have an hour of contractions 5 minutes apart and had considered asking Andrew to stay home but decided I'd rather have him get as much work done ahead of time so he would be more available afterward if this really was "it". Then out of the blue my dad called and offered to take the kids out to McDowell Creek Park outside of the Lebanon/Sweet Home area in order to see the waterfall at a possible record high. This sounded great as I'd have almost the entire day to myself, maybe I'd even go into labor and have Eliza before they got back (wishful thinking!). So the day ended up with me spending my time relaxing, walking, and napping while contractions came off and on throughout the day.

By dinner time I was having contractions more consistently and at 7:39 pm I emailed my midwife for a heads up that they were 8-10 minutes apart and getting very strong, meaning I needed to work my way through them. Josiah kept asking if the contractions were still "working" and if tonight was the night Eliza was coming. I still did not feel confident to say, "Yes." I told him probably but we'd find out one way or another in time.

At 8:28 pm I posted on Facebook that I was timing contractions and that this could be it! I still wasn't sure.

At 9:30 pm we called Andrew's parents, who had requested we make calls before 10 pm and after 7 am. Even at this point I still wasn't for sure I was in real labor but didn't want to miss the window to let them know just in case. So I told Andrew to say that it looked like she "might" be coming tonight.

At 11:09 pm I emailed the midwife to tell her contractions were about 5 minutes apart and that I finally felt like this was real labor but that I didn't feel I needed her to come over just yet. I was really enjoying the privacy of laboring without witnesses. One thing about this labor that I especially appreciated is that I wasn't being constantly monitored by automatic machines squeezing my arms every couple of minutes to check my blood pressure (which had always been great) and cinching around my pregnant belly to tell everyone how hard my contractions were (like I couldn't communicate that!). Since I could feel Eliza move between contractions and I was managing labor well I felt like I didn't quite need the midwife or my support team yet. So, I rocked in the new recliner Andrew got me, walked around the house, updated Facebook, sat on the bouncy ball, tried to sleep (ya right!), went to the bathroom, drank some water, ate a stick of cheese, brushed my teeth... just whatever I wanted to do. Andrew and I talked between contractions about what needed to be done and how things were going. I told him at this rate I'd probably have her around 6 am and that we should wait to call my dad until about 6:30 am so he'd be here to help when the kids woke up but would also get as much rest as possible. For the same reason we decided to continue to wait to call my labor support team which was my mom, who's been at all of my labor and delivery's, and Vicki, my dear friend who supported me through labor and Mia's delivery and made it just in time to see Sierra born. I was thinking that a well rested team would go a long way!

At 12:03 am the midwife emailed me and said let her know when I'm ready for her to come. I still felt fine so I waited to reply. It was only about a 1/2 hour later, I still had contractions every 4-5 minutes but I had a few coming every 2 minutes. Hmmm... might be time to get people coming. So I called the number for my midwife that I had saved on my cell phone. It immediately went to voicemail. Yikes, that wasn't what I expected! But, I remembered her saying that if she's with a client or something just to call right back and with the second ring she'd know to interupt and pick up. I don't know why I thought she'd be with a client in the middle of the night but at the time it made sense to me. So I called back, and it still went to voicemail. This concerned me a little but not too much, in my mind I still had lots of time. So next I called my mom but I couldn't get out what I was trying to tell her because the contractions were coming too hard and quick. Andrew got on the phone and told her to come on over. Then he called Vicki and said "It's gonna be soon". I remember being annoyed by that because I thought it would cause her to rush and drive too fast and I still didn't think things were moving along that quickly.

I had Andrew call the midwife several more times, but still it went to voicemail. At 12:42 am I emailed her for the last time saying, "Ya... I'm ready for you" in reply to her last email to just let her know.

At 12:51 am I posted on Facebook that I was going to have a baby in not too long.

At that point I decided that I was ready for the birthing tub so Andrew started that process. Up until that point I didn't want to fill it because I was afraid it would cool off too quickly before the baby got here and then she'd be too cold upon arrival. Now, though, I was ready to get in. We could only fill it about half way before the hot water was gone but it was enough for me to comfortably get in and then Andrew started manually adding water from the tap which was on a separate water heater and it allowed him to get the temperature just right. I suggested that he boil some water so we could mix that and keep the cold hose going, too. Andrew didn't like the idea of adding boiling water and since he was the one doing the tub management I didn't argue.

As soon as I got in the tub contractions stopped for 7 minutes. I remember being disappointed that I had woken everyone up and it was all going to be for a false alarm. Also, I had heard that the water would help me relax and move things along faster so I couldn't believe my body was working the opposite. Well, my little break was not long lived and suddenly contractions were on top of each other. I had Andrew call the midwife again... still voicemail. Then it dawned on me to have him compare the number I had on my cell phone to the number she'd given me on the "What to do" list for labor. What do you know... different numbers! How could I have overlooked this? Andrew dialed the right number and got a hold of her right away and she started on her way. I remember thinking that at about this point in the hospital they would have been trying to jab a long needle in my back for an epidural while I tried to be still through contractions. I was thankful I could move freely around at home. I changed positions in the tub a few times, each time I moved it seemed to trigger contractions. It's funny, there's conflicting emotions at a point like that. If I wanted to help labor progress, moving around would be the way to go, but if I wanted the pain to stop, holding still would be the best. I tried to just relax into the water when the contractions came. That didn't make the pain go away but I felt like it helped my body do what it needed to do. My back had been hurting off and on so I decided to stay on my knees for a while just in case Eliza was thinking about coming facing up and giving me some back labor. I had read that this was a good technique and, again, I thought I had a couple hours to go so in my mind this was a temporary position to help down the road.

From my spot in the tub I was able to grip onto the bed beside me which was a nice place to direct some of the pain. I asked Andrew for a cold wash cloth and I've never felt such a wonderful contrast: the warm pool and the cold cloth. It was a welcome relief. Then I felt the need from some physical touch. I asked Andrew to put his hands on my back. He was rubbing my shoulders with his fingers but I needed flat hands, he adjusted and it's amazing the emotional relief that brought. That connection centered me and really helped me through each contraction.
We could hear a car coming up the driveway. It was actually two cars. My mom and Vicki arrived at the same time, around 1:30 am. Before I knew it Andrew was up and greeting them at the front door. In the meantime a major contraction came on and I was all alone. That contraction could have been the hardest one I had to deal with. I screamed for Andrew to come back but he couldn't hear me. I called over and over again but it was no use. Finally I made it through. When he did finally come back in the room I told him not to leave me again. I don't think it was that the contraction was any harder than the others, it was just his presence and support that empowered me on an emotional level and in turn created a physical effect.

From here on out things get a little fuzzy for me. I remember Vicki sitting on the bed and asking if there was anything she could do for me. I requested she cool my wash cloth down. Again, it was so refreshing. I remember my mom laughing that the cat was in the room watching everything unfold and then I saw the flash of the camera.
Vicki asked me if I wanted her to boil some water to add to the tub. A contraction was starting so I couldn't answer but I remember, again, being agitated that Andrew didn't answer because he knew I had asked for that before. It's funny to me now the little things that I let bug me at such a critical point in labor. Didn't I have enough to be concerned about? I told her yes, I wanted the water added and she and Andrew left to get that started. I could hear my mom sympathizing with me through contractions with a soft "Mmmmm" each time. It's a familiar sound from all of my labors. In times past she would have been the one hovering over the monitor and writing down all the stats of the time and length of contractions. I think she missed the peace of mind that the machines would have provided her. I have many years before I may get to witness my daughters go through labor - I can't imagine.

At a break point in contractions I requested they call the midwife again to determine how close she was. I wasn't nervous about having the baby but I was really hoping she could bring me some coping techniques to help me through what I thought would be at least a couple of hours. I was trying to communicate to my mom between contractions which phone number to use and wanted to make very sure that Andrew did not leave to try to help with this. As soon as my mom got the midwife on the phone I felt my water break. Whoa! Things were moving now. I could tell my mom was trying to be calm and that the midwife must have been asking some questions. I heard my mom say, "It looks clear" in a forced casual sort of way. That was a relief as I assumed she was talking about whether or not there was meconium in the water.

Some time around here I could hear some bustling in the kitchen and steam sounding and just some concern. I guess the water had boiled over which I found hard to believe because it seemed like they had just left to start that process. I remember Vicki coming in over and over and adding the water and, again, I couldn't believe how quickly she was coming.

I remember saying I was feeling pressure so I knew now that I was transitioning and soon would be pushing. With the next contraction I felt that old familiar feeling... the urge to push. Wow, it came soon! I shouted, "She's coming!" My mom tried to get the video camera ready. I think she was having trouble with it and handed it off to Vicki. At any rate Vicki ended up with it. After the next contraction I felt down between my legs and could feel her head beginning to crown. I shouted again, "She's coming out!" I could see bodies rushing to the tub. I remember worrying that all three of them were going to jump in with me. I wasn't actually sure who got in at first but it was Andrew. We had talked earlier about how he was going to get changed into his swim trunks with all these women in the room. Thankfully he decided to just wear them under his sweats. Apparently he did the fastest strip job on record, he calls it his superman change, and hopped in the pool. He gave only passing thought that his hat had flown off across the room and he really wanted to meet his daughter with his hat on. I had several hard contractions and pushed with them with all my might. I was not a quiet laborer at this point. It was so nice not to worry about other people laboring in the room next door or what strangers would think of me like I had at the hospital. I was free to just labor as I needed.

I heard Andrew say, "Come on Mia" in a calm voice. Then I saw Mia enter the room and my mom told her to come up on the bed with her. I was in the middle of another major contraction and, as I said, for me being vocal was an important part of this labor, but as I made eye contact with her I was able to gather some words for her, something along the lines of, "It's ok Mia... this hurts a lot... and I need to be loud... but it means Eliza is coming. It will be better soon. It's just like we talked about." It amazes me that I could compose myself for this conversation. It's a mother's instinct to care for her children and that overrides so much else. Mia's well being was certainly on my mind and I wanted her to have a good experience. I had done lots of prep with the kids and reassured them that, despite the initial pain, as soon as Eliza was out they would see a big change in me and I would be so happy. I have to think this helped her as well as the composure of all the adults in the room.

By this point I could feel Eliza's head passing down, and lots of head was crowning but it was not getting through and she wasn't just slipping out like the other kids. It was like I had to push her every centimeter. I had the urge to stand up, I felt so sure that she really should just slip out at any point. I tried to stand but no one liked that idea and told me to stay in the water. Since I was on my knees I put one leg up to try to help. I believe it was at this point that the midwife came in. She asked Andrew if he knew which way she was facing and he said facing the back. I was pushing and pushing to get Eliza out of this terrible spot and the midwife calmly said, "Christy wait for the next contraction and then push with it." Her voice was so confident, knowledgeable... like someone shining a light in the dark. I waited and then pushed with all my might on the next contraction. I did this two more times I believe and finally relief. Eliza was out. I didn't hear much at first... well, I remember Vicki saying, "Oh she's beautiful" and my mom saying, "Look there's your baby sister." As I was turning around to meet my daughter the midwife told me to lift my foot up and over the umbilical cord and she helped me.

Then I laid eyes on her! Beautiful Eliza. She was so pretty. She looked like one of my babies. It seems the kids all come from the same mold and I could spot one of mine in a crowd of babies. Andrew gave her to me and she gave a little cry. She opened her little eyes and looked at me and around at the world. I was still having lots of pain from the placenta but the worst was over and here was this precious child in my arms and no one was waiting to take her from me or trying to get to the cord to snip it off or starting in on the routine baby care, although the midwife was right there making evaluations. I felt Eliza's umbilical cord and could feel it still pulsing the healthy cord blood and oxygen into her little body. This was even after the placenta was delivered, it felt just like a heart beat, right up near where her belly button will be.

Mia was unfazed by the labor and delivery and when Andrew asked her what woke her up she said Momma rhymed with her dream which was about someone up on stage who forgot their lines and was making pushing and groaning noises since they were so frustrated. Her memory of seeing her sister born is that Eliza floated underwater and then was crying and she liked Momma holding her. She also says that Eliza is a good girl.

Now that Eliza was here I told them to go get the other kids. I was so eager for Josiah and Sierra to meet their new sister. Sierra came sleepily into the room a few moments later. She had been the most bonded with Eliza while she was in me. She would call out, "I love you mom. I love you Eliza" as if she were already here. It took her a few moments to wake up completely but when she did I could see the same love in her eyes as she watched her baby sister.

After I held Eliza for a while I asked Andrew if he wanted to hold her, of course he did. Somehow by now his hat was on. I guess he had gotten Mia to retrieve it for him just in time for pictures. The girls were leaning over and admiring their little sister, touching her little head and getting used to the idea that she was here.
Andrew gave Eliza back to me as he prepared to take a shower in the front bathroom. Shortly after that I gave her to Vicki and a waiting towel. Josiah is a pretty hard sleeper and apparently when they woke him his comments were along the lines of "Oh, good Eliza's here" and "I need to go back to sleep so I'm ready for my day at a friend's house tomorrow". Funny guy, one track mind. So when Vicki took Eliza she brought her in to meet Josiah and then he was back to sleep. I didn't see him until morning when he came in and held Eliza for the first time. His face was all full of joy and pride, it didn't matter that he didn't see her fresh out of the womb.
Meanwhile, I showered off and got into bed. Vicki brought Eliza back to me but the little sweetie had already done a major number in the towel she was wrapped in so Vicki got to do the first meconium clean up. What a memory. We had one disposable diaper in the house so Eliza's first diaper was tossable - the rest we wash!

After she was all cleaned up, the girls and I laid in bed and Eliza attempted to nurse. She did great! After a while the midwife's assistant finished off the check list and weighed and measured Eliza. 9 lbs 8 ozs, 20 1/2 inches long. Wow! My biggest baby by just over a pound. Funny, how they all look the same to me: tiny, sweet, beautiful, familiar.

Then the midwife checked her over while the girls supervised the whole process just as they had done during my appointments at home the last several months.

My mom began making phone calls for us even at that early hour and Andrew posted on Facebook, "Christy has delivered Eliza Bella Marie @ 2:08am this morning in the birthing tub by non-other-than me (Andrew - the jack of ALL trades). Pics to follow." Sierra talked to my dad and told him to come over Eliza is here. I told him he could wait until later in the morning. Vicki also sent some emails out for me.

Eventually the midwife and her assistant went home, Vicki went home and mom went to bed down in the basement where she'd been staying off and on while we waited for Eliza's arrival. Andrew, the girls and I stayed in bed a while longer admiring our very alert, newest little girl. In the morning my dad arrived and all the kids joined us for turn taking on holding their sister.

What a joy, what a blessing that I was able to have Eliza at home. I know not everyone is able to have that priviledge and not everyone is willing to try it. Praise the Lord that those two things came together for me this pregnancy. It was truly a special blessing.

Eliza: God is Generous

Bella Marie: Beautiful, Wished for Child

Pictures of Eliza's First Day

2008-12-30T21:05:00.001-08:00

Here's some pictures I took today...

Eliza Bella Marie

Josiah and Eliza
Mia and Eliza
Sierra and Eliza

More later!

She's Here! She's Here!! She's Here!!!

2008-12-30T16:37:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a minute to let you know Eliza arrived early this morning at 2:08am. Daddy skillfully caught her while we were in the birthing pool.

She's a doll with some brown hair and a beautiful round head, smooth baby skin... I love it! She's been very alert and so sweet. Her weight was 9lbs 8oz and she was 20 1/2 inches long. She's nursing well, pooping well, and sleeping well. All siblings were pleased as punch to meet her. Mia got to witness her grand entrance as she woke up and said she heard me and it rhymed with her dream so she knew Eliza was coming. All the pictures were taken off my mom's camera so it will take another day to get them. I know you're anxious, I'll hurry.

Praise the Lord! Thank you for Eliza Bella Marie and a wonderful homebirth experience. I'll write up the details later.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

We had plans to do a nativity reenactment this weekend with the whole Nordstrom and Davis families together. Unfortunately our little baby Jesus has not had time to arrive... not to mention the road to "Bethlehem" was a little too icy. So, we had to cancel the performance. Isn't it a bummer when things don't go according to our plans? There were two other women my midwife is attending to who were due ahead of me, the 14th and 15th. Both went a little late, in fact, the one due the 15th is in labor right now. I must be next!

Christmas ended up being just right though. We had my family over, Grandma spent the night and Grandpa came up early for breakfast and presents. The present opening was nice and slow and the kids seemed to appreciate what they got which was a blessing to me. Josiah had been particularly thoughtful with a gift he bought for Mia. It was truly in the spirit of Christmas that he used his own money when he found the perfect present and then hid it so it would be a surprise. When I told Mia how much love went into that gift she was sure to express extra gratefulness. It was a full circle of love and it brought tears to my eyes. I was so thankful that I got to witness that interaction and to experience the sweetness in their hearts. His actions kick started all the kids buying presents for each other. We've been going a little stir crazy with the weather keeping us inside more and all activities cancelled, plus my edginess as I wait for Eliza, so it was nice to enjoy their wonderful side!

Later Poppy (Great Grandpa) and my brother and his family came over for lunch: Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes, green beans and rolls. Yum! The "boys" drove the 4-wheeler I surprised Andrew with. Andrew had been talking about buying it from a friend of ours for months, first for the camp and then for fun. I just didn't see the practicality of it. But, when I kept seeing him riding the kids' little 4-wheelers around I decided he really needed one of his own if not just for the priceless look on his face. When it arrived I was astounded by how huge it is!!! Now, my yard is paying the price for not planning out where our "track" would be. Needless to say we'll need to reseed in the shape of a figure 8 this spring.

Meanwhile, the girls watched "John & Kate plus 8" about the couple who has twins and septuplets (6 at once). Made me appreciate my little family. The kids had lots of Grandma and Grandpa time, too, reading books, playing with the remote control flyer, shooting hoops, and playing with newly aquired toys. That night we all watched "Glory Road" based on the true story about the basketball coach that was the first to start an all black line up. I can't believe the crap some people had to put up with based on other people's ignorance. It was a good movie, and I love it when people who take risks persevere and find success.

Except for not having Eliza yet, it was a wonderful, relaxing day and I really enjoyed it.

Still Just Passing the Time

2008-12-23T17:29:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I pulled out all the stops. We watched two Christmas movies, made present labels, arranged all the presents under the tree, decorated a gingerbread house and made some mini flat bread. The flat bread was something I intended to do at Thanksgiving and finally got around to it. Nothing like being snowed in to get those overdue projects done. Mia and I had ours with cheddar cheese and salsa, it was alright but needed a zippier flavor like goat cheese. Mmmm... Sierra safely ate hers with peanut butter so at least she knew if she didn't like the flat bread she could still have a snack by licking them clean. Josiah was the experienced one in the group. Part way through he remembered they made something similar at summer camp only they balled them up on a stick rather than making them flat. He had 2 of his with jam and 2 with honey just like they did at camp. His were the best by far!By 4:30pm I was out of steam. Grandma Linda picked up some pizza for us and some more movies for later and then we ended the night with calming baths.

Today it dawned on me that there are things to do further south that are not in the snow and ice zones so we ventured over to Albany and hit their Target and Costco. We also treated ourselves to Dairy Queen's Yule Tide Peppermint blizzards. Yum!

Now, here we are, ready for Christmas and still waiting for Eliza. The midwife said her heart rate is really good and she's very responsive with her movements, evidence that the placenta is healthy and doing well. She's also in a good position for delivery. My blood pressure is still really good (hard to believe at this point!) and that Eliza will be here soon. So, for now, we're still just passing the time trusting that I won't be pregnant forever.

The Big Winter Wait

2008-12-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

We've been hit with some pretty big snow and ice this winter. Actually, I guess it's not technically even winter yet! It's not been unmanageable weather but just not typical for this neck of the woods. What's been the hardest part is everything is being cancelled: PE, AWANA, Christmas parties, even Church! This gives me very little to do but wonder "When is Eliza gonna get here?!" It's been an excruciating week or so as I've come through the period of "will she come a little early" or "will she be on her due date like her brother". Now we're to the part where I wonder if I will ever have her. I know someday this whole conversation will be in the past and I'll be enjoying her sweet presence but for now, quite frankly, I'm going a little insane. My mom has come to stay with us a couple of nights just in case the roads were too bad she would still be able to be here for Eliza's arrival. It's been helpful to have her here, it's just too bad Eliza isn't. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up like Sierra at nap time and sleep through this big winter wait for baby.

Actually, this weekend has been so great having Andrew home. I've gotten some jobs checked off the "Honey-Do" list and he's a lot more fun for the kids at this point in time. He even got those stubborn alpacas to eat from his hands. I don't know how he always has the magic touch.

It would've been a great weekend to have a baby. Oh well, the wait continues.

And She Does It!

2008-12-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

I think the blog transfer all worked out fine. Please click as a follower or subscribe to this post as you did with the previous blog. This is where I'll be updating from here on out.

New Blog

2008-12-19T17:44:00.000-08:00

I am going to attempt a new feature that Blogger offers... exporting old blogs into new ones. Since we're not at the camp, using the camp name for my blog has seemed a little silly and requires some explanation at times. I've been working on starting a new blog at www.nordstromnotes.blogspot.com and hopefully, through the power of Blogger, I will be able to do so and still have my old posts easily accessible. This will also still hold the old blog name for me, in case something changes.

Hold on, this could be a fun ride! I'm no techy.

Hello From the Frozen Northwest

2008-12-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

Life on the farm is different when everything is covered in snow and ice. The kids take extra bundling , the animals take extra care, and Momma needs extra coffee!!

Today is a great day to blog about though. The sky is blue, the sun is shining off the snow, making it sparkle brilliantly. The kids have gotten in some great sled runs both in the front yard area and down the big hill in the alpacas pasture.

It's especially fun watching the alpacas reaction to the sledding. They're already not sure about us and alpacas are so skitterish and uptight, yet slightly curious. It cracks me up.We had tried for a 1/2 hour or more to feed them alfalfa pellets by hand. Finally we got a nibble but we had all tired from the trying and it had lost its thrill. Then we threw them all off by sledding from the fence where we had been feeding them. When I say "we" I obviously mean just the kids!

In other news, we've already collected over 2 dozen eggs this morning. All the hens that came out of molt are really producing. Unfortunately we hit a weekend and then the ice storm back to back so we currently have 72 eggs to sell or give away. Normally Andrew brings them into work and they sell off pretty quick. The store is more convenient than our house for pick up. We need to sell as close to 2 dozen eggs a day as we can in order to cover the cost of their feed and scratch. They sure are yummy eggs, it's like they have a richer flavor. I'm really enjoying that side benefit of having chickens. If you want farm fresh eggs, delivered daily, just stop by the store!

Also, I've already been asked twice today if Eliza is coming soon and what my plan is with the bad weather coming. Today would be a good day to have her you know. I'll take it! Unfortunately, without questionable medication, I don't have control over it. I've gone on several walks, bounced on the ball until I was nearly sick, and drank plenty of tea among other things. It just isn't her time yet. Goodness, while I type this I still have 1 day left on my little count down clock. I'm not even late yet, and 42 weeks is still considered on time. I sure hope that count down clock is right! I wonder if it will self destruct tomorrow? So, my plan is to wait until I go into labor and then call everyone and if the someone can't come or is delayed I'll adjust from there.

TAGGED: 7 Random Book Facts

2008-12-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Leslie, this is kind of a short, book themed, get to know you tag. Here's the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.

2. Share seven random and/or weird book facts about yourself.

3. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.

4. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

#1 On my side of the bed you'll find these books, "Boundaries", "Boundaries in Marriage", "Boundaries with Kids", and "Sister Freaks" a book compiled by Rebecca St. James containing short stories about women who gave up everything to serve the Lord. On Andrew's side of the bed you'll find these books, "Everything You Need to Know About Chickens" and "Goats".

#2 For fun I like to read Francine Rivers' historical fiction novels. Entertaining and educational!

#3 I like to keep books, they are like a treasure to me. I might share them with other people but, unless I have multiple copies, I don't give them away. The funny thing is I've never had a bookcase for them until this house. Previously they were stored in boxes. Now I have them all out and can realize which ones I actually never read!

#4 I did not read Beatrix Potter as a child, well maybe Peter Rabbit, but I love reading them now with the kids. I believe it was all the Aunts on Andrew's side who first gave me our little books set when Josiah was born. Now I have two sets, the Complete Tales, and a study guide.

#5 If you read "Good Night Gorilla" did you notice the balloon working it's way up to the moon throughout the whole book? Or the people in the window watching the zookeeper go back and forth (starts with one, then two, then three nosey neighbors).

#6 I would love to write a devotional book but when I was asked to be a contributor to a local book being compiled I found I could not keep it to the minimum wordage. Hmmm, what a surprise.

#7 The book that first ignited my love of reading I can't even remember the name of but it was a biography about Helen Keller's teacher Annie Sullivan. I still love stories about peoples lives!

OK. Time to Tag...

Cheryl: Davis Family Chronicles

Beth: Finding Joy in the Journey

Alyssa: Best of the Worst

Maria: Living in Korea

Sherry: Spice Mama

Melanie: Please Don't Ride the Kitty

Krista: Fields of the Harvest

Waiting for Eliza

2008-12-07T19:50:00.000-08:00

So, in the midst of all these animals...

Survivor with his two quiet friends.

Just a few more days and hopefully he'll have some new friends.

Sugar Brown and Stormy with the girls on a beautiful winter day!

and the holiday season busyness...

Here's the kids' tree, set up in the school room.

...we're still expecting a baby.

All I told Josiah was to make sure you could see all my belly. I guess I should have mentioned to get my head in there, too!

Pregnancy wise, I'm doing well, anxious, of course, to meet this little one. If anyone ever doubted that there could be equal amounts of enthusiasm for subsequent children, once they've had their first, well, let me tell you... it actually seems to grow. Not only am I excited to meet Eliza, I'm excited to see her with each of her siblings. Since I have a few kids now, I'm fully aware of how different each child is. Who will Eliza be? Her entrance will add new dimensions to us. She will change our family. Wow!

Visiting the huge, decorated Willamette University trees.
It seems odd that at this late in the game I've been receiving a lot of questions over our choice to have this baby at home. I'm not the best at debating or convincing people - not that others need to be convinced about my choices but I guess that's a whole other conversation!! Anyway, I came across a posting on another blog that hit the nail on the head of what I've been dealing with in regard to other people and their fears or opinions. I can't wait to tell you about my experience in hindsight but for right now I'm just full of great expectation and peace.

The other night I had 3 hours of contractions and thought, "This could be it." It was so nice to distract myself with dishes and laundry and to just be myself through it all. This of course was only a taste of what is coming but I love how empowered I feel.

The practice labor was also enough to prompt Andrew to test run the birthing tub... without water of course but we needed to see how it would fit in the room.

Men really have no clue about labor.

I don't think many "homebirthers" share about their choice because of the automatic negative/shocked response that you get so frequently. The sad thing is, I'm sure I did the same thing. (Ditto on the cloth diapers... yes, we're doing that, too! It seems so much easier these days.)

As I've asked around I've been able to hear some wonderful homebirth stories and I've also seen such a difference in the experiences I had in my hospital deliveries and the ones I
found looking online at homebirthing videos and blogs. Gentle, peaceful, loving... No nurses manhandling the little ones, moving them around like little inconvenient footballs. And, rather than being checked every hour or so during labor, my midwife and assistant will be with me the whole time, constantly monitoring the baby and I. I feel very good about that.

Well, anyway, there are some of my thoughts going into
this. Hopefully it will be soon when I can tell more about it.

Life on the Farm - the Hard Part

2008-12-03T22:21:00.000-08:00

People say, "That's so hard." Hard for who? How hard? Hard like tough or hard like painful? Each persons hard is different, too. So, really when other people tell you it's going to be hard, it's all relative. Today for us was a hard day, hard like painful. It was a day that I knew would come with all the animals. We've been taking a lot of risks and with that comes responsibility and, at times, pain.

Our little chicks were really coming along this morning. We had one little guy completely out of his shell but his umbilical cord still stuck to the shell and he toted it around with him all over the incubator. We named him Trailer since he looked like he had a trailer. The chick who had started cracking open his shell first was still working away at it and getting closer and closer to emerging. There were also two other chicks making progress on their shells. Then there were three left that we weren't sure what would happen with. Technically not "due" until tomorrow we were optimistic that maybe even they would still hatch. I was aware that 100% hatch rate is very rare but thought at least this would be a good, tiny lesson in life and death for the kids if they didn't make it.

Sadly, through human error, the incubators temperature was accidentally turned up. By the time we got back from AWANA it had reached 110*. It needs to be kept at or very close to 101*. The scene we found was hard to see after all the joy we experienced in watching the effort each chick made, celebrating the success when one came out, and anticipating the others arrival. The chick who had been working the longest to get out never made it. Despite the fact that another chick got out of the shell, he did not make it either, and was lying along the side of the incubator, lifeless. There was another chick who'd made just enough progress to poke his beak out but he was dead, too. The other eggs showed no sign of life but we're leaving them another day just to make sure. Amazingly, Trailer was still walking around, cheeping and he had finally lost his shell, though we knew it was him because of the drying umbilical cord hanging from behind (his hitch as it were). Josiah thought we should rename him Survivor. We're still not sure if he's out of the woods or if his health has been so adversely affected that it's only a matter of time. I have to say, he looked better than ever and I am optimistic. Andrew is putting together the brooder for him. He'll be lonely for a few days but we have more chicks expected next week.

We took the three chick's little bodies and buried them between some trees in the side yard. We'll add a little cross tomorrow. It's hard knowing they were so close to life and, by a mistake we made, their life was snuffed out. The kids are all taking it differently. It's interesting how they grieve with their different personalities and ages. I did have a chance to pray with them and remind them that God knows how painful death is. We can go to him and know he understands the depth of our pain. I was also thankful that I had experience with death because I felt like I was able to lead them through this in healthy ways. Still... it's hard.

Boundaries

2008-12-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been reading the book Boundaries. It's been hard to read but really good to. I think the easiest things to glean from it are based on raising the kids with good boundaries. The harder parts are understanding where my boundaries are not and applying good boundary setting for myself. It's hard to say, "No" and quite frankly, sometimes it's hard to say, "Yes." I think for now that's as far as I'll go into that part of things. Gotta set some boundaries on what I share you know! :)

It's also hard to allow other people to make their own choices and allow them the experience their own consequences, too. In theory I'm completely on board with that but in reality... well, it's hard to see people in pain or struggling. I think it's a natural compulsion to try to relieve other people's pain. I had to force myself to experience some of that this morning as one of our little chicks is starting to hatch. We were expecting them Thursday but I guess this little guy was ready. (Yes, I'm sure you're thinking what I was thinking, "Why does the egg get to hatch early but Christy doesn't get to go into labor early?)

He started last night with a little, teensy crack at the top of the shell and an occasional rocking of the egg. This morning we could see a tiny hole and sometimes even see his little beak poke around.

Here's the video I took of the kids discovering the hatching action... once again it's in sideways mode. I realized it halfway through but thought changing over would make people sick. Sorry! Towards the end, if you're aware, there is one little "cheep" you can hear.

By this evening he already has a tiny section cracked off, he can poke just the tip of his beak out and he's cheeping. It's been such a long, tedious process and now that he's cheeping that pitiful cheep it's become harder and harder to keep my hands off of him. I just want to rip that shell off and free him from his bondage. I know the deadly consequences of interfering though. He needs this struggle to give him life... but he's calling for me, soon he'll be able to see me and still the best thing I can do for him is to let him work his way out on his own. So, I'm keeping the end result in mind: a strong healthy chick who has overcome the biggest obstacle in his short life. Imagine the pride in doing it himself! How could I even consider taking that away from him?

An interesting thing about a chick is that the face that he first sees when hatching is embedded in his mind as being his mother, not as some evil, selfish, non-helpful bystander. Who knows what goes on in the mind of the chick to make that happen. Perhaps in the midst of his struggle he's actually cursing me for not helping him out but with time and perspective he'll appreciate the fact that he can stand and walk and he cannot help but love the one who chose to allow him those gifts rather than interfering with a short term solution that would have resulted in long term failure.

Fascinating. So many applications to life!!

When It Rains It Pours... er I Mean...

2008-11-30T20:21:00.000-08:00

So, you can probably guess, if 10 chickens, or for that matter 30 chickens, weren't enough then surely one horse was not enough. Today we welcomed Stormy the miniature Appaloosa gelding to our farm.

He is only 2 years old, silvery gray and he and Sugar have quickly become the best of friends. When they first met through the fence, Sugar came running up, whinnied a loud hello and stamped her foot as any independent, spirited woman would. This was the most movement we've seen from Sugar since we got her. Then she sprinted over to the gate where we were leading Stormy in, they both whinnied a lot, danced around some, and then that was it. They were friends. I expected some bickering as they adjusted to each other but there wasn't any. Both are mild mannered and they don't wander more than 5 feet from each other now. I'll have to post another picture later, it was getting dark and that's the best I can do.

Now the work begins. We need to train them to our voice commands, the saddle, and eventually to a cart. Sugar has some experience with the saddle and riders and she's working on obeying voice commands but Stormy has very little experience with any of it. By the way, when I say "we" need to start training, you know of course I mean Andrew. After all this is his venture, I just get the joy of blogging about it.

And that's not all...

We also opened the front pasture up to 6 male alpacas. It's a win-win situation as we've been wondering how we were going to maintain the field and the owners of the alpacas needed extra grazing room for the herd. It's also another opportunity to bring in a little income and get familiar with the animals without the investment of actually buying some.

Josiah and Mia got to hold the lead on two of them but both dropped the ropes when they pulled too hard. Alpacas are stronger than they look and of course they were nervous in the new environment. Unfortunately they could only catch one right away and the other ran off with his lead dragging behind him. They were all in the field, but we didn't want the lead to get him caught up in anything. So, if you're wondering, catching an alpaca isn't easy. Especially when it's their first time in a new field and they've just gotten out of a trailer. Thankfully for me, Sierra needed to go down for a nap at the same time, so I got to watch the comedy unfold from the warmth and vantage point of the house. The couple that brought them over, Andrew, Josiah and Mia were all waving their hands, arms outstretched, forming a semi circle trying to corner them on one end of the field. Those wiley alpacas though, they managed to bob and weave and work their way out of the little trap.

Pacas 1, humans 0.

They tried again, this time with all the leads they had removed from the other alpacas tied into one long rope. The alpacas saw that coming and ran all the way around to the other side of the field.

Pacas 2, humans 0.

Finally, with the extra leverage of a tree in the corner and the extension of a long branch cutting off the get away angle, they got them cornered and were able to grab the lead. Phew!

Game over. Humans win 3-2 with that last second 3 point play! It was great fun to watch!! I was thinking that I actually should have joined in, perhaps that would have sent me into labor. Oh, there's still plenty of time to chase them around.

To top it all off. Josiah found another garter snake, only this one is a lot smaller. He named him Carter. We're keeping him outside in the same little tub we used before. Hopefully he'll last longer than the other one. I'm wondering if a raccoon or some other predator got the last one. Poor thing.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

As we have entered into a season of greater peace and less stress, I can't help but reflect on how the last 4 years or so of struggling have molded us. I am eager to see how God intends to use us and those lessons to encourage other people and advance His kingdom. I read an encouraging quote by Ted Engstrom, who headed Youth for Christ and World Vision:

Cripple a man, and you have Sir Walter Scott. Lock him in a prison cell, and you have John Bunyan. Bury him in the snows of Valley Forge, and you have George Washington. Raise him in abject poverty, and you have Abraham Lincoln. Strike him down with infantile paralysis, and he becomes Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Burn him so severely in a schoolhouse fire that doctors say he'll never walk again, and you have Glenn Cunningham, who set the world record in 1934 by running a mile in four minutes and six seconds. Call him a slow learner, retarded, write him off as unable to be educated, and you have Albert Einstein. Have him or her born black in a society filled with racial discrimination, and you have Booker T. Washington, Harriet Tubman, Marian Anderson, George Washington Carver, and Martin Luther King.

The strongest world changers did not live comfortable, easy lives. They were strengthen by their adversities and therefore prepared to conquer many other challenges.

So I praise God for leading me through some rough terrain and for giving me times of respite, too. One stage breaks me down and creates a greater dependence on God, allowing me to grow as He intends. The other is an opportunity to put that growth into action.

Now, I leave you with some Thanksgiving quotes to kick off your day:

"On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence." --William Jennings Bryan

"The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving." --H.U. Hestermayer

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." --E.P. Powell

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?" --Erma Bombeck

5 Things MeMe

2008-11-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

My cousin Melanie tagged me with this list and I have to say, her list was more interesting than mine!

5 Things on My To-Do List:

- Grocery shopping

- Food & egg delivery

- Make pies

- Meet with midwife

- Make beds (ya! Grandma is spending the night to help out with Thanksgiving prep)

5 Things I Like to Snack On (remember I'm pregnant!):

- Popcorn & cheese

- Apples

- Starbucks!! oops, does that count as a snack?

- Ice cream

- Crackers & hummus

5 Things I Would Do if I Was a Millionaire:

- Pay off debt

- College Funds for the kids - maybe even wedding funds.

- Go to Mongolia, India and Ecuador to visit friends and see how we can help

- Buy the house

- Buy Andrew a tractor

5 Places I Have Lived:

- Oregon, Oregon, Oregon, Oregon, Oregon!

5 Jobs I have Held:

- Human Services Assistant

- Summer Sports Coordinator

- Receptionist

- Bookkeeper

- Mom!

So, I now I need to tag 5 more people...

Leslie, of What Goes Around

Beth, of Finding Joy in the Journey

Cheryl, of Davis Family Chronicles

Sherry, of Spice Mama

And finally, all you lurkers who I'd love to hear from! :)

My New Way To Grocery Shop

2008-11-24T22:30:00.000-08:00

Well, we've had so much change lately I decided to try out a new way of grocery shopping: Azure Standard. Andrew's parents have used them for a couple of years. They are based out of Durfur, Oregon and deliver all over the Northwest. Often people set up a co-op, or some people operate as an independent drop point but either way you order your food online and it is delivered via semi-truck to the drop point.

This isn't just any food mind you. They carry the good stuff: organic, healthy, "Life Source" quality brands, etc. Once I decided to go for it I had to quickly place my order online as the deadline was that day! Then I looked for a close drop point, there are three co-ops in Salem but one is closed since it has too many people, and one was a little grouchy and said she'd only let me drop there if I joined her co-op. The other I couldn't reach. But, since I was so close to the minimum order to actually be a drop point myself, I decided to add a few things and became an official drop point myself. It's always nerve racking the first time you try something but you still gotta try it.

Less than a week later I got the call that the truck was on schedule (they have an order placement schedule and a delivery schedule so you can know when to expect your shipment). Then we set off to meet at our designated spot. I knew the semi couldn't make it up our hill to my front door so we arranged to just met out at the road. He loaded my car with all the boxes and the kids and I used the dolly to unload back at home. It was like a grocery shoppers Christmas opening up all those boxes of just what I wanted. There was no breakage or spoilage. I got wonderful sparkling juice, yummy bread, apples, potatoes, mixes for brownies and pizza dough, yogurt, cottage cheese, hummus, ice cream... The list goes on. They have such great variety and it's all the good stuff at reasonable prices! They even have sales.

By the way, if anyone is interested in ordering from Azure Standard and using us as a drop point let me know. The company will check with me to make sure I have approved it first. There is a minimum $50 order and your order will be packaged and labelled together for easy pick up.

Of Course, Of Course

2008-11-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

Well, we have a new member of the family and I didn't even have to go into labor! Today the kids got an early Christmas present. Her name is Sugar and she's a miniature pony. She's really the size of a large dog but "a horse is a horse, of course of course" and you should've seen the kids' faces when the horse trailer pulled up. I thought Mia might burst! We kept everything a surprise for them. She told me that at first she just thought that the lady was bringing the horse over to give them rides.

Sugar's former owner had rescued her from a woman who was diagnosed with Lupus and couldn't care for her horses or mini's anymore. Then the rescuer lost her job and couldn't afford to even feed the horses any more. She's been desperately selling off animals on Craig's List. So, we brought this hungry little girl home with us. She's extremely sweet and patient with the kids, not a great size for riding unless you're under 50lbs or so, but we're looking into a cart. Apparently miniature horses are very strong cart pullers. Andrew said he wants a "Chariots of Fire" style cart, I'm looking for a romantic little two seater or maybe one with room in the back for the kiddos.

Honestly, this is Andrew's endeavor (once again) but I do like her and I even think she needs a little friend. Wouldn't two little mini's look so cute pulling our family around in a cart in a parade or something? We could give rides at Christmas time, Harvest and for the 4th of July. Oh, the possibilities.

Screamer, the neighbor's donkey, certainly did give her a warm welcome when she first arrived but he settled down quickly. At first I was worried that the old timer might have some romantic thoughts toward our young pony but he seems to have gotten over the idea.

Andrew made a little video of some of the kids' first moments with Sugar. Unfortunately it's sideways again, but it's not too long so just tip your head.

Following the Shepherd

2008-11-19T21:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight we had a prayer service to lift up our senior pastor. He's not in good shape. This is the latest update:

They have discovered that John has a rare blood infection. In order to
monitor his heart, his blood and his vitals more closely they took him to
surgery to place a pulmonary artery catheter. That pulmonary artery catheter was
successfully placed and they are now trying to calibrate it. They are treating
the blood infection with antibiotics.The most urgent prayer request is that John
is dehydrated and his sodium levels are low. While they have been pumping him
full of fluids, his blood has not been absorbing those fluids. Instead the
fluids have been filling other places in his body making him swollen (think
Michelin man) and even seeping fluid. So, he is full of fluids but he is
dehydrated. They are now switching to a different type of fluid to work on that
problem

As we ended the prayer service pastor Steve Fowler mentioned that God is our Shepherd. That image stuck with me as I remembered that He walks before us in this trial. He knows what lies ahead and is leading us along the best path. He's not sitting back somewhere watching us try our best to find our way. If we look, we can see him leading not just giving us direction, and we have the choice to follow or to venture off on our own. I crave safety, so for me, at least initially, it's an easy choice. Following when things don't look so great makes me question all I believe about my Leader. Each time though, I've found him to be faithful and worthy of my following. I guess that part gets easier with time and experience. The path doesn't get easier but the response time when questions arise gets shorter.

During worship I had a vision of powerful thunder surrounding me. I felt that I was in the presence of the Lord God Almighty. I was humbled to the core. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, I was prostrate before God, acknowledging him for who he is. Physically I was still in my seat as I didn't want to cause a distraction but had I been at home I would have allowed that vision to consume me completely. It was powerful. The only other time in my life where I had a vision like this was in high school while I was attending a retreat. It was a very real and vulnerable time, we were witnessing to people at the mall and learning about stepping out in our faith not just giving lip service to it. I clearly heard satan weeping, all alone in a pit below us and as I looked up I heard the angels in heaven rejoicing louder than any crowd at an arena. Again, it was very powerful and my simple words just can't do it justice.

It's not just pastor John that I'm dependent on the Lord for. It seems like so many people I know are getting hit with major stuff these days: breast cancer, stroke, major marriage issues, infertility, a baby the doctors say won't live, undiagnosed illnesses, chronic pain, major financial issues... It is a privilege and responsibility to be in prayer for all these critical situations. Right now, in this moment, I feel overwhelmed with the needs. I'm reminded and encouraged that God's shoulders are big enough to bear all these burdens. He doesn't need my perfectly phrased prayers to bless and heal these needs. He does want my heart dependent on him for the answers to them though.

I'm also struck by the stage I'm in right now. After years of struggle and some painful experiences I feel like we're in a respite time. I want to truly and fully enjoy this time of blessing. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know that right now my burden is lighter. I can praise him for that, I can also praise him for all that those trials taught me. I love the song "Gratitude" by Nicole Nordeman, it's on the playlist if you want to listen. That's where I want my heart to be.

Urgent Prayer Request

2008-11-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Please pray for our head pastor at Salem Alliance Church, John Stumbo. He is normally a healthy person, a marathoner (in fact training for an ultra marathon!). He's been battling an unknown virus for the past 3 weeks or so. He was in Salem Hospital for about a week, then released. When he got sicker, just a few days later, Salem Hospital said there was nothing else they could do. He's been up at OHSU in Portland for about a week now. I just received an urgent prayer request saying he's taken a turn for the worse. He's currently in serious condition. At Church we've been studying the names of God. The week he got sick we were studying God as our healer (Jehovah Rapha). This battle is against the flesh and the spiritual attacks. I'm praying to Jehovah Rapha for the complete healing of our pastor. May God be glorified in this. I know many people doubt God's healing power and attribute it to just a Bible times thing. God hasn't changed. He hasn't dropped some of his power or become uncaring. Because of Jesus we can approach the throne of grace with confidence. That's what we're doing on behalf of our pastor and friend.

LATEST UPDATES:
#1 Unconcsious as of this morning, being termed life or death at this point... undiagnosed illness has left him with no muscle power and is thought that enzymes are somehow attacking his immune system.

#2 Stablized but in critical condition. Spitting up blood, may have a blood clot in his lungs. Legs are blue, may have a blood clot in his legs. Seems to be a blood infection so now doctors have a direction to go in treating him. Again, pray for healing, but also pray for satan to be bound. There is so much to these circumstances that drives me to pray in this way. May God's power be unleashed and his people rejoice!!

From Ahh! to Aghhh!!! in just 5 Minutes!

2008-11-17T16:59:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I had the privilege of joining three wonderful women on a weekend getaway to the coast! It was refreshing. We left Friday afternoon, enjoyed dinner out and catching up, spent all day Saturday at the spa...

...dined in (thank you Jennie!!), and watched all of Pride and Prejudice (yes, the 6 hour awesome version).

I was so blessed by our time together, body and soul breathed "Ahhh" as I headed home.

Then I got home.

The van was gone so I knew everyone was out on some adventure. After all, isn't that what weekends with dad are all about? I knew that while I was gone, Andrew was going to pick up 5 more hens and might consider the rooster that the seller wanted to include in the sale. I also knew this would bring our chicken count up to around 30 and I knew that 30 chickens would look like a lot more than our original 8. But, as I looked around the property something just didn't look right. We had some chickens in the front yard, usually they stay in the back. I thought maybe this was what was throwing me off. But, no, there was something else. I could see some chickens in the backyard, too, and somehow it all just looked like... more.

I called Andrew to let him know several chickens were out in the front yard. You see I'm just not in a state to be running around rounding up chickens and we want them to stay in one central area so we can contain their laying areas and keep them all accounted for. He sounded strange on the phone, like he was waiting for something. He said he was sorry he wasn't home because he wanted to be there when I met the new chickens. What an odd comment I thought.

So, I decided I needed to investigate. I made my way through the barn and saw a couple of baskets hanging on the stall door. "Why would Andrew be decorating with my baskets?" I thought. Oh, maybe it was the girls who did that. I decided to dismiss that. Then I noticed that there was an entire horse stall filled with perches and straw. To my delight there were two eggs in the trough so I grabbed them and continued outside. This is when my, "Ahh!" changed to an "Aghhh!!!!" As far as the eye can see there were chickens... everywhere. I took a little video of my discovery. Please excuse the spacey sounding commentary. I was in shock.

So needless to say, when I left for my weekend getaway we had just finished collecting our first dozen large eggs and a half dozen bantam eggs which we plan to incubate. When I got out of the barn that afternoon I already had 8 eggs in my basket and we found more that night. Our flock is now up to 81 chickens!

I guess we're officially in the egg business. Thankfully that last big purchase included tons of egg cartons so we really are all set. Another thing I'm thankful for... Andrew found an article that said that a chicken community shouldn't be more than 80 as they can't remember more than that many fellow feathered friends and it will cause disruption in the flock. So, phew, I guess we're set.

Knowing God

2008-11-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

We've been studying the names of God at Church. This has been very insightful and overwhelming. You see as I look at the names of God I'm wholly humbled by who God is. My brain, my soul, shrinks back from him, overwhelmed by the consciousness of just a glimmer of understanding. It's breathtaking and yet here I am compelled to try to express my experience with words that fall too short. For my own convenience I have made God more manageable. Through these services I've been reminded how incontainable God is. Elohim, God you are powerful and mighty. I've also been amazed by God and challenged to truly trust him for myself, my family , and my loved ones. Jehovah-Rapha, you are the healer.

I remember the song by Amy Grant, El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty) that my parents would play on weekend mornings. I was a little irritated at the time because it seemed like my dad would BLARE it and that was a little "uncool", but now I'm thankful for those times because I can recall a lot of the words and definitely the tune...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-EGzskcdp0

El shaddai, el shaddai, El-elyon na adonia (we will love you, Lord),
Age to age you're still the same,
By the power of the name.
El shaddai, el shaddai, Erkamka na adonai,
We will praise and lift you high, El shaddai.

Through your love and through the ram,
You saved the son of Abraham;
Through the power of your hand,
Turned the sea into dry land.

To the outcast on her knees,
You were the God who really sees,
And by your might,
You set your children free.

El shaddai, el shaddai, El-elyon na adonia, (God most high, oh Lord)
Age to age you're still the same,
By the power of the name.
El shaddai, el shaddai, Erkamka na adonai,
We will praise and lift you high, El shaddai.

Through the years you've made it clear,
That the time of Christ was near,
Though the people couldn't see
What Messiah ought to be.

Though your word contained the plan,
They just could not understand
Your most awesome work was done
Through the frailty of your son.
El shaddai, el shaddai, El-elyon na adonai,
Age to age you're still the same,
By the power of the name.
El shaddai, el shaddai, Erkamka na adonai,
I will praise you till I die, El shaddai.

El shaddai, el shaddai, El-elyon na adonai,
Age to age you're still the same,
By the power of the name.
El shaddai, el shaddai, Erkamka na adonai,
I will praise you till I die.
El shaddai.

Thank you God that you are the same yesterday, today and forever; the same healer, the same powerful creator, the same sanctifier, Adonai, my master, El Elyon, most high God, Jehovah Shammah, you are there, Jehovah Jireh, you will provide. Teach me more about who you are and may that knowledge change my life. For the things that I do not understand, I will trust you Lord God Almighty.

A Chili Night/A Stinky Day

2008-11-07T16:55:00.000-08:00

Since the weather has turned a bit more dreary, chili has seemed like such a great dinner option. I already had the Costco size corn bread mix so it seemed like a good option for last night's meal. Unfortunately I had failed to restock my chili supply so I tried a new method for obtaining the desired product; I called and asked Andrew to pick it up on his way home. You see, where we lived before and where the business is in relationship to the grocery store, it just made more sense for me to make a quick run out and pick up whatever I needed. Now, though, he's the only option if we run out. It makes no sense for me to drive into town just for chili. So, we tried it. Despite working a long day, Andrew agreed to pick up some chili. I forget what a creative shopper he is sometimes. When I say, "chili" I don't mean any fancy flavors, or random brands, I mean Stagg's vegetarian. I love the large beans and corn, peppers and tomatoes. Mmmm! Well, by some random blessing he did manage to bring home Stagg's. So, I quickly heated it through, mixed it up and took a little taste test to make sure it was warmed enough. AAaaaaggghhhh!!! FIRE!! My mouth ignited with heat and I quickly ran for some milk. The vegetarian chili is actually pretty spicy for me but this seemed oddly hot. I thought maybe pregnancy had made my mouth more sensitive. After all, I haven't actually had chili in quite some time. Cooling down a bit, I went back to the cans of chili I had opened. Two were actually my familiar vegetarian flavor but I had failed to notice that one was labeled Dynamite Hot! Here's the description on the website:

You're looking hot! Explosive habaneros - the world's hottest chilies - and
fiery Chile de Arbol flavour ignite braised beef, red tomatoes, chopped
onions, seasoned with flame throwing spices. No wonder it's catching fire
with chili lovers everywhere!

Yes, I was ignited and I experienced the flame throwing spices. It was so hot that it didn't even mellow with the two other milder cans I had mixed in already. So, I served Andrew the red hot death and cooked up some more for the rest of us. I also made sure we had plenty of cottage cheese, cheddar cheese and sour cream to add and of course we had milk to drink. The kids still didn't make it through and it was hard for me, too.

Needless to say, there have been some exciting "chili repercussions" last night and today (PEEYOU!) and then I get this silly little email today. Here it is in it's entirety. Enjoy!

P.S. I think this is funny and appropriate enough that I'll risk posting it but it might be mildly offensive to those people who don't appreciate jokes about bodily functions. Hey, sometimes I'm in that camp, too. The timing of it was just too perfect and so I had to share.

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. IF you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

Judge 3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Hartford, Connecticut.

Frank: ‘Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.’

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI #1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI…
Judge 1 – A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge 2 – Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge 3 (Frank) – Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI #2 – ARIAL AUSTIN’S AFTERBURNER CHILI…
Judge 1 – Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge 2 – Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge 3 – Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI #3 – FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI…
Judge 1 – Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge 2 – A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge 3 – Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, and now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting @!&&-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI #4 – BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC…
Judge 1 – Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge 2 – Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge 3 – I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT… just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI #5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER…
Judge 1 – Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers fresh ly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge 2 – Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge 3 – My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI #6 – VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY…
Judge 1 – Thin, yet bold, vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge 2 – The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge 3 – My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I carped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI #7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI…
Judge 1 – A mediocre chili with to much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge 2 – Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge 3 – You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. Screw it. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI #8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI…
Judge 1 – The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge 2 – This final entry is good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farter, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge 3 – No Report

Bumper Sticker Education

2008-11-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate people's stupid bumper stickers. Not yours, of course, yours is witty and appropriate. It's those other people's.

I was behind a lovely truck that bore this boldly across the top of it's back window:

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

I read it and thought, "What an ignorant fool" but quickly moved on. Unfortunately we have readers in the younger segment of our family now and they saw it to. "Mom... what does 'pimpin' ain't easy' mean?" Oh boy, how in depth do I go with this one? I've already made up my mind to be open and upfront with my kids about sex education and especially to take every opportunity to pronounce God's perfect plan for sex and our bodies. You know... I've talked about this before. But I didn't really anticipate talking about pimps and prostitutes this early on. It was hard to broach the subject with varying age groups in the van but, despite being unprepared for the question, I managed to tastefully navigate through the subject and I was so thankful that in the end we landed back on the truth. There is plenty of ugliness out there, things that hurt our bodies and souls, but God's plan is worth waiting for. Thank you bumper sticker for the opportunity, what you intended for evil we used for good.

We've Got Eggs!!

2008-11-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. Not one, not two, but three eggs! Two big, beautiful brown eggs with light speckling and one little bantam white egg. We're leaving the bantam egg in the nest to see if we get a chick. With all these roosters running around there's no doubt it's been fertilized, probably multiple times. Another great homeschool learning opportunity.

Harvest and Halloween

2008-11-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

I love October for all the Harvest activities. This year was a little harder to juggle with moving going on. We missed our first opportunity to go with a homeschool group to the pumpkin patch but were provided a second chance just a week later at EZ Orchards.

Here we are waiting for the rest of the group to arrive and enjoying the mum display.

Of course we enjoyed the traditional hay ride, petting area, corn maze, huge slides, the hay towers and our choice of apple from the orchard and pumpkin from the patch.

It was lots of fun, especially for Mia who's good friend from preschool last year is also being homeschooled this year and was there at the farm. After wards we were given fresh apple cider and apple cider donuts. YUM!

Halloween ended up being quite the even this year which really wiped mom out! We had a lots of opportunities to use our costumes including a Halloween party the week before, Awana "trunk or treat", and actual trick or treating with cousin Mackenzie. Unfortunately I was so out of it after all that activity that I think I managed to only save thumbnails of the pictures I took and not the actual pictures so I can't show you our scary Vampire, sweet Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz, and our silly Dora or Doggie depending on the day. I'm still trying to figure out if there is a way to restore them but so far no luck!!

UPDATE: I found them!!

Animal Farm

2008-11-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

Well, the chicken population has grown. Not naturally unfortunately but through the purchase of more and different feathered friends. I'm sad to say that with our abundance of roosters we're finally dealing with the pecking order problem. One poor rooster has had his neck feathers almost completely removed and he looks a little worse for the wear. Poor guy. Andrew said the only solution was to thin the male population so there was less competition. So, how do you thin the flock? You have chicken dinner. Frankly I might not feel too bad eating the bully bird but I don't think I could bring myself to partake in the poor underdog. Oh the drama of it all! But one special moment was so touching as I saw a new side of my husband as he cared for the poor picked on rooster. He allowed him to stay up on the high perch, safe from the other aggressive birds, and he held chicken feed up for him, allowing him to eat his fill. If that wasn't enough, he got him his own water dish and held that up for him to drink. This wasn't a fast process either. It was very sweet and the rooster did seem to perk up after that.

We still have no eggs though. The first round of new birds are coming out of molt (losing the old feathers and regrowing new ones) and they should start to lay their beautiful blue/green eggs soon. The newest birds, which Andrew picked up last night, should be laying nice brown eggs once they get over the shock of the move. Our sweet little bantam chickens still aren't laying so we'll see. They've all had a lot of change recently.

In the reptile world of Nordstrom's Animal Farm the lizard is still surviving despite our lack of know how. We went to the Humane Society to get more info and were given a phone number to call. We still need to do that. In the meantime, the kids found a very good size garter snake in the garden. It was big enough that there was some concern for the chickens eggs (if they were laying), especially the bantam chickens as theirs will be pretty small - just the right size for a hungry garter snake. Again, I don't know much about reptiles so I'm not sure if garter snakes eat anything besides garden bugs. But, alas, this conversation is all for naught as the snake got out of his homemade bucket house after only 3 days. Thankfully we had the foresight to keep him outside so I don't have to search the house for him. Although, if he ate mice he might actually be a benefit to the us. Actually, we haven't seen any sign of mice after Andrew caught 3 initially (by caught I mean killed with a mouse trap), no thanks to our lazy, "where's my cat food", indoor cat. Josiah got a rubber mouse while trick or treating this year so he tied it to a string and is trying to get Sadie into the swing of mousing. She has her moments but I think she's more interested in the string than the little mouse. I don't know, think a barn cat or two should be in our future.

Then there is our herd of deer. Unfortunately as I continued to see deer killed on the freeway I also noticed that our little herd of four was dwindling, too. In fact, at last sighting, we were down to only one. Deer are such frustrating creatures. Too timid for their own good. Don't they know I can help them?! They shouldn't run from me. We would let them bed down in our oak grove and they can munch all the apples they can reach. I did shake down some of the apples that were still attached at the top of the tree and have noticed that they're disappearing slowly. We've also seen the deer nibbling some different berried trees in the front field. Today though, while I was inspecting the back 2 (as opposed to the back 40) I saw three deer prancing their way through the wooded area. The back "neighbor", (if that's what you call the next closest person living somewhere out there), has been doing lots of work trimming trees, excavating, and putting up a very sturdy fence. I'm not sure what the plan is but I am sure it's doing a number on the deer's habitat. We plan to do an outdoor Christmas tree this year with treats and goodies for the creatures. I hope this helps the deer survive all this change.

The final animal update is on "our" donkey. We had a great time the other day when he broke through the fence and came wandering onto our property. The kids were beside themselves!! He came through and helped himself to some chicken feed and the old salt lick that was left here. Everything was great until he got a wild hare and started running down front driveway towards the lane which leads to the freeway. Andrew and Josiah bravely hopped on the 4-wheeler and chased after him, chicken feed in hand. Once they got his attention Andrew "pied pipered" him home by shaking the chicken feed in a bucket. I manned the gate so once they were in he had no escape - I'm talking about the donkey. This was unfortunate because it meant I didn't have time to run back up and get the camera. Once again, I was seeing a whole new side of my husband watching him patiently lead the mule back to the neighbors house. Andrew has a stubborn streak, too, so I couldn't help but enjoy the irony!!

Well, there you have it, an update on our little animal farm. It's been fun and it's been educational. Come visit us sometime!

The Privilege of Voting

2008-11-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

I know I've gotten behind and I have many things to update the blog with but for now I just wanted to make a quick note on this election day. It is such a privilege to live in a country where I can safely cast my vote. I was proud to get that done today. There was some question as to whether we would actually get our ballets because we were moving right when they went out so they didn't come in the mail. Andrew tracked them down though and we both got them in on time. We've already been praying for quite some time for our future leaders. Regardless of my voting opinion, ultimately, I want people who are sensitive to God's leading running our country. I've also prayed that if they don't respect God now that they will soon and that we can once again return to being a nation under God's authority.

I guess we'll know soon who our next fearless leader will be! I'm not watching the news at all yet. It's kind of like having a baby without having an ultrasound. You know the next president is coming you just don't know what kind.

Say Cheese!

2008-10-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well, we've finally gone and done it - family pictures. In the past I've felt too overwhelmed by the task of getting everyone in for pictures, looking nice and smiling well, and having it turn out nice enough for the cost involved. Being pregnant different times through the years I honestly didn't want to have a family pictures without the newest member present. So now, forced into family pictures by our new pictorial Church directory, we've actually made it happen and it was a great thing for us. We were all coordinated in our cute clothes and the kids were well bribed with a promise of ice cream cones if they had a good session.

We made it through the family portion of the pictures and then the photographer had the kids sit to the side and had Andrew and I sit together for a couple picture. This was unexpected, but how nice, we haven't done that for years either. But, it was then that things began to break down. He had us move to sit in this odd straddle pose, legs all entwined and hugging and tipping our heads just so. It nicely arranged our upper bodies for a close up but had me feeling like we were in a little too intimate position for the public display.

I made it through the first couple of pictures but then he had to go and say, "Now look into each others eyes." That did it. I was a giggle bucket. We haven't just sat that close and looked into each others eyes for quite some time, let alone doing so in public with our three little kids and some stranger with a camera looking on. From there it just got worse. I was laughing so hard I was crying and trying to compose myself to look like a doting wife for this silly picture. Now, this might seem like enough pressure for one photo session but noooo he's got to up the ante. "Ok," he said, "Now give her a big kiss." Are you kidding me? Right here in public? Our last public kiss was July 6th, 2006 on our wedding day.

What is so strange is that I am very comfortable with public forums, like speaking for example or playing sports. Andrew, on the other hand, prefers to operate more behind the scenes. So why was it so easy for him to follow a complete strangers direction and lay one on me in public? Also, had it been my suggestion, I'm sure he would have had more hesitation, if it would have happened at all. Weird! So there we were, all intimately entwined in public as directed by some stranger, and that stranger was there to capture it all on film. I didn't order the kissing picture but the other one was actually really cute. At least it's over with and we've finally got a family picture or we will in 3-6 weeks.

On another note, to follow up on the marriage break downs that are happening around me, my Proverbs 31 daily devotion by Lysa Terkurst came today with the same focus:

Chasing love outside the will of God invites the exact opposite of love
into our lives. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is picture of God's perfect love. It
is
patient. It is kind. It does not envy... it is not self-seeking... it
does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth... it always
protects... it always
perseveres. Love never fails. The things we
chase in this world are
opposite from God's love. False attempts at love
will make us impatient, unkind,
envious, self-seeking, resistant to the
truth, reckless and temporary.1
Corinthians 13 is not a description of what
is inherently ours when we fall in
love with another person. It is a
description of God's love. This kind of love
can be ours as we become more
Christ-like. It is never focused inwardly. It is
never about what I'm going
to get from another person. It is deciding that this
is the kind of love I
will give away. I am challenged by this. Because our souls
were designed for
God's fulfilling love, if we aren't staying closely connected
to Him
everyday, our hearts will start to feel empty. Restless. Unfulfilled. Let
us
never get to the place where we think we are strong enough to not be tempted
in this way. If we are all completely honest, we are only a few bad
decisions
away from the same kind of mess my sweet friend is now trying to
untangle
herself from. While I have complete hope in God's ability to
restore her, the
consequences of her chase for love will be severe on many
levels. The kind of
love our souls crave will never be found in the things
of this world. Lasting
and perfectly satisfying love will only be found when
we stop chasing the wrong
kind of love and start living out the truths of
God.

Dear Lord, help me rest in the security of Your love.
Make me
wise in how I guard my heart. May I never get lured into any
kind of
worldly, fake love. But if I ever start to get drawn away, God
surround me
with people who are bold enough to speak truth into my life. In
Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Yes Lord!!

Guess What? Chicken Butt!

2008-10-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

I don't know why that is the title that kept coming to me as I prepared to introduce the newest members of the minifarm, but I couldn't shake it so lucky you!

We have many animal friends here. I've introduced you to Screamer already and of course we still have Sadie our cat. We also discovered a lizard in the basement and he has now become a pet. His name is "Liz-eerd". Since there are bountiful flies that find their way into the house I'm proud to say that my kids can now successfully catch a fly, remove one wing, and feed our dear Liz-eerd a live meal. He's also enjoyed a mini slug and several types of beetles. Andrew even tried to feed it a bee. I'm not sure what came of that. I was wholly against it, of course, it seemed like a lose/lose situation.

We also have four deer that graze nightly in our pasture. The apples are all gone now, those little pigs! I was sure that would give us at least a week or two of entertainment. Oh well. Two nights ago I did get some pictures of them finishing off the last few apples, unfortunately the kids were all in bed and the pictures are too dark to make out.

As of yesterday, we are home to 8 bantam chickens. Hence the title.I guess bantam just means small but you'd have to ask Andrew, he's the resident chicken expert. They are the cutest little mini chickens and roosters. The kids are pleased as punch to take care of them. They were all up bright and early, dressed and ready to check on our feathered friends. Sadly, I left them alone for too long as I made breakfast and prepared their school work for the day. I realized something was up when I heard the screen door bang, a quick run to the bathroom, and some comment about "the chickens are freezing!" Sierra and I followed the commotion out to the barn and found my good bath towel stuffed into one of the roosts and a little beak poking out the top. All I could think was that this was not good on so many levels. First of all, my good towel! Do we not have enough crappy, ratty, stained, ripped up rags to choose from? Second, why does the chicken need a towel? And third, can the chicken even breathe? I took care of the breathing issue by pulling out the towel and it was then that I discovered why the chicken even needed it and why the kids were saying that the poor bird was freezing.

I guess they had decided that all the chickens were a little dirty and of course when you're dirty you need a bath. Why that thought process doesn't naturally correlate to their own bodies I'm not sure. But at any rate, they doused them all with water and the little yellow one (the one I love) was actually given several baths. He's been called out as Mia's chicken and when she does a job she really does it well. Poor thing. He was soaked straight through his feathers. Still, he wasn't getting my good towel. I fluffed up the hay in his coop a bit and set him back down. The only other thing I could think to do to help him was to leave the light on out there as it might give some extra warmth to the place. Hey, desperate times require desperate measures.

Of course I gave the kids a very stern speech and described how chicken's feathers work with water and how they aren't meant for a soaking, especially in October. I really laid it on heavy when I told them that this chicken might actually die. Their eyes were as big as saucers and their faces all full of fear. I know it was a little harsh but I also know that the hardest part of adding animals to our lives isn't the animals but actually training the kids how to behave and take care of the animals properly.

After lunch I let them go back for a few minutes and check on them. They were so relieved that everyone was still alive and they were thrilled to find that their feathers had dried and fluffed back up.

"That was a close one," I said in a very serious voice.

Wouldn't You Know It!

2008-10-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

Almost as soon as I finished typing up the last post, Andrew walked into the room. He said something that bugged me and was quite a bit later than I wanted him to be. Long story short, my tone with him was snotty, my face pinched in mild disgust and frustration. I was all but respectful. Pitiful. Didn't I just type the words RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. Haven't I learned the key that respect is to his heart. I kind of had a feeling it would come up in my face again.

Then we arrived at Church about 15 minutes late, after some mild bickering on the way over, in order to join our shepherding group on a discussion of what makes a healthy family.

The irony is just amazing. Praise the Lord!

Men

2008-10-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I watched Andrew walk down our lane with Josiah to go get the paper. I've seen him walk with the girls, too, but today Josiah was the first one up. It's so romantic to see the man you love nurturing and including the children in his life, even in this small task. Last night I was heart broken to hear further news of marriages destroyed or at least badly beaten up by wayward husbands. How many Christian men are going to fall? Each time I'm blindsided by the news. Each time I've said, "No, not them? I can't believe it." I can't. Satan wants the root of our families and the main route to which tomorrow's Christians travel, to be destroyed. He wants the destined leader of the family unit distracted. He wants the nurturer to be overburdened. In too many cases he is succeeding.

Proverbs 6:23-29 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a
light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to
life, keeping you from the immoral
woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward
wife.
Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her
captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of
bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
Can a man
scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?
Can a
man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?
So is he who
sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

It's amazing that these intelligent men ended up so far down such a dangerous
road, willing to risk and lose everything of value. The Bible says that a
woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, her husband has full confidence in
her and lacks nothing of value. What a contrast to a woman who will reduce
you to a loaf of bread and prey upon your very life! How is there a
comparison? Yet somehow the newness, the captivation of secrecy, the bold and obvious availability of whatever might pique your curiosity is too much.

Proverbs 9:13-18 The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without
knowledge.
She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest
point
of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on
their way.
"Let all who are simple come in here!" she says to those who lack
judgment.
"Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!"
But little
do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in
the depths of the
grave.

And with the ease of access to pornography, and the short lived thrill that one can find even by accident, yes, she is sitting at the highest point of the city and calling out to all who pass by. "She" is right there and they have forgotten the death and stench that follows time with her. Death of a standard, making it easier to go farther the next time. The numbing of what real love feels like, and the long lasting joy of a committed relationship versus the short lived, empty thrill of a fling.

I want to fight against this decay, Andrew and I do fight this in our own marriage, you can not walk through marriage, or life for that matter, and not have these temptations. But, I feel so much like a Warrior, dressed for battle, sword in hand, adrenaline pumping and I can't find the battle field. I feel powerless to stop this obvious destruction.

Sex has always been a topic that I felt was under discussed in the Christian community. As a young person, navigating my dating relationship with Andrew, it seemed like we were mainly on our own to figure out specific boundary lines. I came with ideals and a no sex before marriage commitment, but received very little openness or encouragement as to how to put those ideals into practical action. I wanted to encourage the young people I spoke to at youth groups to set boundaries early and experience the blessing of waiting for more than just sex. I wanted them to know from someone with experience that it's so much easier to set boundaries early than to trip down the road a ways and then try to put on the brakes. All it took was someone saying, "This is what the Bible says, this is how your body works, this is how your mind works, all this is designed by God for a beautiful marriage relationship not for a passionate, hormone flooded moment."

Really, it's the same general message for married couples. I suppose the only way to burn off some of this pent up energy is to make some proclamations and to commit to prayer and seek opportunities to encourage other marriages.

Women: Respect your husbands. This fills their tanks more than we'll ever understand. Respect them with your tone of voice, your facial expressions, and the words you choose. Respect does not come naturally to most of us, it will be an act of your will to behave in this manner. Pray for God to open your eyes to when you are disrespectful and slowly you will be able to make some progress in this area and the amazing thing is it can make an immediate difference in your relationship. For my marriage this has been then magic bullet, the "secret" I was looking for over the years, and I'm so far from perfect in this area. Also, pray for your husbands, they are in a war!

Men: Believe what the Bible says: that easy, seemingly secret path of instant pleasure will destroy you, you will lose everything of real value. Seek out other men who are open and honest, be bold in being the first one to share about your failures and struggles. I guarantee you are not the only Christian out there who has lingered too long at the lingerie ads or pop up soft porn on your computer, or even sought out pornography while you were alone. You are not the only Christian who has masturbated, or struggled with your thought life. I also guarantee that if you think you can fight that battle alone, you are mistaken. Satan has mistaken you. Together you men are strong in this fight, alone you are vulnerable. You were designed to battle side by side, you need people who've got your back. If you do not, in this day and age, you are taking a serious gamble.

That's all I got right now. Please, feel free to share your comments on this subject.